Cure my tragedy
by TheComet63
Summary: They were supposed to hate each other. Or at least, they weren't supposed to like each other. But they did. They really did. I suck at summaries. It's a Mer/Addie femslash. Give it a shot.
1. Dry your eyes

Ok this is my first fanfic **ever**! I've been having this story in mind for months and I finally decided to put it down. It starts at the beginning of season 3, no prom sex in this story, Addison and Derek divorced cause they realized their marriage wasn't working, they weren't in love with each other anymore and Derek was in love with Meredith. This is going to be a femslash. Don't like it, don't read.  
English is not my first language, so please be kind. For this reason, I don't know how frequently I will update. It's kinda hard to write a whole story in English, even if I'm living in the US now. I'm still learning.  
Also, I'm sorry if the first chapters are quite short. I promise I'll try to make them longer in the future.

Review are appreciated, of course.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, Meredith and Addison would be together. I wish I owned Kate Walsh cause I have a huge crush on her. But sadly, I don't.

**CHAPTER 1 – Dry your eyes**

"What the hell am I doing?" Addison asked herself for like the hundredth time in 5 minutes.  
She was hiding. She was hiding in a supply closet, crying her eyes out for the end of her marriage.  
Addison Forbes Montgomery was not one to hide. But there she was, sitting all alone in a supply closet, tears streaming down her face, ruining her perfect make up.  
"What the hell am I doing?" she repeated to herself once again. "I should not cry, I should not complain. We decided this together, our marriage wasn't working anymore, we weren't in love with each other anymore. So why the hell am I crying?"  
But she couldn't stop. Yes, maybe her and Derek weren't in love with each other anymore, but she couldn't help but feel sad for herself, sad for those 12 years of her life that now were gone. Forever. She knew they made the right choice, but watching Derek flirting with that 12-year-old was just too much for her.  
"We just broke up and he is already flirting with her. Does he even care about me, about the end of our marriage?"  
That thought only made her cry more. She was practically sobbing now. And she had no one to turn to, no one. Yes, maybe she could talk to Miranda, again, but she already bothered her too much when she was drunk at Joe's and she didn't want to embarrass herself again in front of her only friend there. She tried to call Naomi, her best friend who lived in Los Angeles, but her cell phone was off, so maybe she was busy with work too. That's why she was in that supply closet. She needed to throw everything out before going back to work and face the world.  
"So much for my proud tear ducts!" she murmured, hating herself for crying that much. She hated being vulnerable, she hated losing control of herself, but she couldn't help it. She was broken. Derek broke her and all she could do was crying and feeling sorry for herself.  
She didn't hear the footstep approaching, and actually, she didn't really care about what was going on outside the closet. But she was forced to look up when she heard someone opening the door, shouting "Megan!"  
She could recognize that voice anywhere. But still, she couldn't believe that someone up there hated her so much. The last person she wanted to show her weakness to was there. The last person she wanted to see. Meredith Grey.  
"Oh, hi..." stuttered the intern. She couldn't believe she found Dr Montgomery crying in a supply closet.  
"Weren't you just up at 3? Flirting with my husband...my ex-husband?"  
"I was, we...lost a patient...it's a little girl and I was just..." she started to respond, then she processed the last part of Addison's sentence. "I wasn't flirting with him!"  
"Yeah sure." replied Addison sarcastically.  
"No, I swear I wasn't. Are you...uhm...are you okay?"  
"What do you think?" asked Addison rolling her eyes. Wasn't it obvious that she was far from okay?  
"Look, Dr Montgomery..." started Meredith closing the door and sitting near Addison. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for your divorce, I'm sorry for everything. But I wasn't flirting with Derek, I...I don't want to go back with him."  
"Really? Why?" asked Addison in disbelief.  
"Because...I don't know, I just...I moved on, maybe. Or maybe I just realized he is not right for me. I hope it's not me the reason why you two decided to divorce."  
Addison shook her head and then the two women remained in silence for a couple of minutes, Addison drying her tears.  
"It's not your fault, Grey" said Addison. "None of this is your fault. You didn't know he was married, and you have been great while we were trying to rebuild our marriage. It's not your fault we broke up, we just...we just knew it wasn't working. But not because of you. It's not your fault...damn, it's not even MY fault. Yes, I slept with Mark, but our marriage was falling apart way before my affair. I'm not saying it's all on Derek, of course not. But...I don't know, I don't even know WHAT I'm saying or WHY I'm talking about this with you. I'm sorry."  
"Don't be!"exclaimed Meredith, taking Addison's hand in hers. It was the spur of the moment, but it felt right. "I told you, I'm sorry, and even if you say it's not my fault, I can't help but feeling a little guilty. But Derek and I are over now, I don't want to be with him anymore, so if you need to talk to someone...you can talk to me. I mean it, Addison."  
"Thank you." whispered Addison with a smile. It was weird, she didn't even know if she could actually trust Meredith. But when she looked the younger woman in the eyes she could tell she was sincere. Maybe they could be friends, after all. Or at least, they could talk sometimes.  
"Weren't you looking for a little girl?" asked Addison after a long silence.  
"Oh God! Yes!" Meredith stood up and hurried herself out the closet.  
"Grey!" yelled Addison, calling her back. "Uhm look, could you..."  
"I won't tell anyone, I promise!" smiled Meredith, closing the door and getting back to her duties.  
Addison closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about the conversation she just had with Meredith.  
"This is crazy!"  
She adjusted herself and she went back to work.


	2. Ask me again

**AN**: First of all, thank you for the reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter.  
This is another short one, but I'm just getting into the story.  
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to update so often in the future. I have another chapter ready and I'm gonna upload it in a few days. In these days I have to study for my driving license, the summer quarter at school will begin on Monday and I'm also moving to a new apartment, so I have a couple of crazy week ahead. Furthermore, I'm also writing a novel and my editor (a friend of mine who's helping me, I'm not a pro yet) will kill me if I don't give her a new chapter asap. But I promise I'll find the time to write this story. I have almost everything in my mind, I just have to write it down and fill some time gaps.

But enough with me. Here's the chapter. Hope you like it. Reviews are always appreciated.

DISCLAIMER: As usual I do not own Grey's Anatomy. And as usual I wish I owned Kate Walsh. (Sorry, I'm kinda obsessed with that woman. She drives me crazy!)

**CHAPTER 2 – Ask me again**

Addison wasn't having a good day. First her patient kept refusing the c-section, threatening her life and her baby's life. Then a man decided to set him on fire. And Karev...god, that intern was annoying! She couldn't stand him. Sometimes she felt the need to punch him...and she never punched anyone in her life. Slapped? Yes. But punched, never...and still she wanted to punch Alex Karev so bad. And above all, Mark showed up in the hospital. No, Mark signed a contract to work in the hospital. After she asked him to go back to New York. After she called him a transcontinental bootycall. He decided to stay. Derek wasn't pleased, she could tell by the look on his face when he saw Mark, and the way he talked to the Chief about him.  
So it wasn't a good day. Not that the previous days had been good for her. Sometimes, she just wanted to lay in her bed without having to face the world. But she knew she couldn't do it. She was walking down the hallway when she heard someone calling her. Not someone, she heard Meredith Grey calling her, Meredith, who was just diagnosed with appendicitis.  
"Addison!" called Meredith from her bed. "Dr. Montgomery Shepherd!"  
"Please, don't call me Shepherd." said Addison entering the room and asking the nurse for Meredith's chart.  
"So can I call you Addison?" asked Meredith, was strangely bubbly.  
Addison nodded and took a look at the chart. "How are you feeling Grey?"  
"I'm fine!" replied Meredith. "But I'm on drugs, so I'm supposed to be fine. How are you, though."  
Addison sighed. "I'm...trying to be okay, but it's hard, you know, with Mark here and everything. Seems like I can't have a normal day, just one day to catch my breath."  
"You should try drugs too maybe!" grinned Meredith, making Addison laugh.  
"Yeah, maybe you're right. It's working for you, you're always dark and twisty but now..."  
Meredith smiled, but then her face went dark. "Do you hate me, Addison? Honestly..."  
Addison shook her head. "No, Grey, I don't hate you. I told you, none of this is your fault."  
"You can call me Meredith, you know...I call you Addison, you call me Meredith...it's like we're friends...almost..." rambled Meredith. It was hard to talk when she was high on morphine. But she wanted to talk to Addison, because since she caught her crying in the supply closet, she couldn't take the redhead off her mind.  
"Almost." repeated Addison with a smile.  
"We should go out and have a drink together sometimes!" said Meredith after a few moments of silence.  
Addison's eyes went wide. Did Meredith Grey just asked her to go out together for a drink? That was insane. The Ex-wife and the Dirty Mistress hanging out together...it was wrong on so many levels. She sighed. "I don't think this is ever gonna happen."  
"Why not?" asked Meredith, a little upset by Addison's reply.  
"Because, as you said, you're on drugs now, and tomorrow you're not going to remember anything about this conversation." stated Addison as she made her way to the door.  
"Wanna bet?" Meredith's voice stopped Addison, who turned around to face the other woman.  
"What?" she asked without understanding.  
"If when I'm back I ask you out again, you're gonna buy me a drink."  
Addison could tell by the look in Meredith's eyes that she was serious about it. She didn't know what to do. The thought of spending time with Meredith outside the hospital was crazy, but at the same time, she kinda wanted to get to know the intern better. After all, there must have been a reason why Derek fell in love with her in such a short period of time.  
"Okay then, ask me again when you're fully recovered and I will say yes."  
Meredith smiled, satisfied by Addison's reply. She was 100% positive she would remember that.


	3. The start of something new

**AN:** Ok, here's chapter 3. I'm really sorry it took me so long to update, but I moved to another apartment and I only got internet today.  
Anyway, this one's a little bit longer than the others. I really hope you like it. I don't know if it's believable that those two are becoming friends so quickly, but I want to speed up things a little. And even if it's not believable, who cares? It's a fanfic! ;) So enjoy it and review.

DISCLAIMER: As usual I do not own anything bla bla bla…and as usual I wish I owned Kate Walsh, but I'm still working on it ;)

**CHAPTER 3 – The start of something new**

The divorce was final. She wasn't Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd anymore. Maybe it was for the best, too many names for one person. But still, she felt like she just lost a part of her.  
Derek wanted her to have both the Brownstone and the house in Hamptons, because he claimed that the divorce was his fault. He said that he and Meredith had a relationship, while Addison had just a one night stand with Mark. Addison felt guilty. If only Derek knew the truth...  
But now there was no time to think about her personal life. There was a woman with her husband's penis stuck inside of her. Addison needed to focus on her job. She reached out to Meredith, who was her intern for the day. She just came back to work after her surgery.  
"Dr. Grey, welcome back!" Addison greeted the intern and together they walked to the exam room.  
"Thank you!" replied Meredith. Then she suddenly said "Tonight!"  
"Excuse me?" asked Addison turning around.  
"Tonight, drinks, at Joe's. I remembered!" explained Meredith.  
Addison smiled. "Well, looks like I have to pay, then. Tonight is it! Now, back to work...we've been asked to consult on a case where a woman has a foreign object stuck inside of her..."

-o-

"That was crazy!" laughed Meredith talking about the case they had that day. "And the daughter? Her face when she heard that her father had a piercing on his penis was priceless!"  
Addison didn't want to laugh along with Meredith but she couldn't help it. It indeed was hilarious watching them fight with him stuck inside of her. But then Addison remembered the conversations she had with the woman about guilt and truth and she stopped laughing. Meredith apparently noticed it, cause she asked her if there was something wrong.  
"The divorce was finalized today, as you probably heard. Derek gave me both the Brownstone in New York and the house in Hamptons cause he thinks he's the one responsible for the divorce. He said that you two had a relationship, while I just had a one night stand. But it's not exactly like that, I..." Addison stopped, not sure if she could tell Meredith the truth. After all, she was the Dirty Mistress and even if she wasn't back with Derek and she claimed she didn't want to go back with him, Addison felt a little uncomfortable to talk to Meredith about her ex-husband.  
"What, Addison? You can tell me, I swear I won't say a word to anyone." promised Meredith, touching the other woman's arm softly.  
"I was in love with Mark. Or at least I thought I was. We lived together for two months after Derek left me, I thought we could make it work. But then I caught him with someone else, then Richard called and I left him and came here to win Derek back. And I feel terrible now and I want to tell Derek the truth, but I'm not sure how he's gonna take it."  
"Look, maybe I'm not the right person to give you an advice." started Meredith. "But I think you should be honest with him. Maybe he will freak out, I'm sure he will. But at least you won't feel guilty anymore, right? Besides, he can't get too mad at you, cause he actually had a relationship with me. And even if you slept with his best friend, he was the one to blame in the first place. He ignored you for two years. That's one of the reasons why I didn't want to be with him anymore, you know? I have enough abandonment issues without having my boyfriend, or whatever Derek could have become, ignoring me. He did that to you so he would have done the same with me. I'm sure about it."  
"Meredith..." sighed Addison. "He loves you. He loves you more than he ever loved me, even if it hurts like hell admitting that. I don't think he would ever ignore you."  
Meredith shook her head. "I don't care. It's not only that. It's everything, how he treated you since you came here. At first he called you names, then he said he wanted to try to fix your marriage but he didn't really tried, cause half of the time he was flirting with me...and I'm sorry Addison, I really am, but we both know it. And now he walks around like he's the happiest man alive cause he got rid of you. I just don't like him anymore. He's not the McDreamy I thought he was. He rather is a McAss. So no way I'm going to get him back. But anyway, enough about him. Tell me something about you that I don't know. Something that can make me get to know you better. Tell me how you were like in high school, for example."  
Addison smiled, relieved that Meredith decided to change the subject. She really didn't want to think about Derek anymore. "In high school I was a geek. I had braces and I sucked at sports. Guys never wanted me and I never had a real boyfriend till I was in college. When I graduated I decided it was time for a change. I started wearing high heels and tight clothes and suddenly I wasn't the geek anymore, but the hot girl everyone wanted. But deep inside, sometimes I still feel like I'm that geek girl."  
"You, a geek? A geek without boyfriends?" laughed Meredith. "Come on, I don't believe you. You're like...gorgeous! I can't believe there was a time in your life when you weren't this stunning!"  
Addison blushed. "Well, I would show you the yearbooks if I hadn't burnt them years ago. What about you?"  
"I was a rebel. I even dyed my hair pink once. My mother was desperate...well...when she had time to take a look at me, which didn't happen that often."  
"Really? Pink? Oh god, you have to show me some pictures!"  
"I will. You should come to my place for dinner one of these days. Sometimes we just get together, have dinner and watch my mom's surgeries on tape. Of course maybe we find them interesting cause we're just interns, and probably a great surgeon like you would get bored, but.." rambled Meredith.  
"Meredith.." Addison cut her off. "I'd like to. Thanks."  
They both smiled at each other and took a sip of their drinks. It was a little weird how they felt comfortable talking with each other. The ex-wife and the ex-dirty mistress. But it felt good to be there, sharing the memories of their high school years while having a drink. Beside, the only thing that had kept them from being friends before was Derek and he wasn't an issue anymore.  
They stayed at Joe's for a couple of hours, talking about everything and laughing. It was almost midnight when they decided it was time to go back home (or to the hotel, in Addison's case). They walked back to their cars in silence, for the first time that night.  
"That was nice." said Addison when they approached her car.  
"It was." agreed Meredith. "We should do it again sometimes. I meant it, Addison, when I said I want us to be friends."  
Addison nodded, smiling. "We are definitely doing it again. I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Goodnight Addison." replied Meredith walking away to reach her car.  
Addison was ready to leave when she stopped. "Meredith!" she called. The younger woman turned around. "Thank you."  
"What for?" asked the intern.  
"For remembering…for asking me again."  
Meredith smiled and waved goodbye. She had this feeling inside, that this was going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


	4. If you ever need a friend

**AN: **Here I am with another chapter. I finally managed to write more than a few lines.  
Just one quick note: for the sake of my story (not that it's really that important, but anyway…), Izzie returned to the hospital in episode 5.

DISCLAIMER: Same as usual.

**CHAPTER 4 – If you ever need a friend**

When Addison woke up that morning she felt more tired than she was the night before. She didn't get much sleep, she was too worried about her talk to Derek. Meredith was right, she owed him the truth. But she knew that would destroy every attempt of friendship they were trying to have.  
So she walked to the hospital with a killer headache, two hours of sleep and in her mind the vision of Derek's possible reactions. Even if she tried to convince herself that maybe Derek wouldn't care, she knew she was just fooling herself.  
First thing she did when she arrived at Seattle Grace was looking for her ex-husband, but he was already in surgery.  
"Damn, I wanted to talk to him as soon as possible!" she thought, heading to the locker room, her head deep in her thoughts, so much that she didn't see someone turning the corner and reading a chart until the two bodies collided.  
"Oh shit, sorry, I..." tried to apologize Addison, then she looked up and she saw a very amused Meredith who was staring at her.  
"What?" she asked.  
"Nothing, is just...I don't know, this kind of language doesn't suit you." replied the intern, smiling.  
Addison rolled her eyes. "You know, Meredith, I can say a lot worst then just shit!"  
"Can't wait to find out this side of Addison Forbes Montgomery! Anyway, how are you? You look tired, and distracted."  
"I barely slept last night." sighed Addison picking up the chart Meredith dropped and giving it back to her.  
"I have to talk to Derek today about Mark and I was worried. I looked for him first thing this morning, but he's in surgery. And I have to focus on my job but all I can think about is Derek."  
"I see. Relax, Addison. He will forgive you...eventually..." said Meredith, not really believing her own words.  
"You're not helping, Grey!" complained Addison, with a laugh. "Anyway, I better go. I'll see you around."  
"Will you come find me after you're done?" asked the younger woman. "Let me know how it goes, ok?"  
Addison nodded and walked away to the locker room.

-o-

It was almost the end of her shift when Addison finally found Derek in the hallway. "Derek!" she tried to stop him.  
He was smiling and he looked so happy that she felt awful at the idea of telling him the truth about her and Mark.  
"Hey, you know what I like? I like that we're civilized. We're these adult grown up people who can be divorced and friendly. We deserve a medal!" smiled Derek.  
That was just perfect! Just perfect! Now it was ten times harder to tell him that she was with Mark after he left. But there was no going back. It was now or never. "It wasn't a one night stand!"  
Derek's face suddenly changed. "What?"  
"Mark and I. It wasn't a one night stand. I was in love with him. Or...at least I thought I was. After you left we lived together for two months. I wanted to believe that we could make it work, that I hadn't thrown my marriage away, that I hadn't thrown my life away on a fling. But...he's Mark...and, well...I caught him with someone else, and...and then Richard called. We both had a relationship with other people, we're both equally liable, for everything, so, please, take the Brownstone."  
Derek's eyes were hard on her. He was mad, she could tell. "All I want is Seattle. I want Seattle and I want never to see you again!"  
He walked away, leaving her standing there. She was shocked by his reaction. She had pictured him screaming, calling her names, but that...that was worse. She managed to stop her tears to start falling. Because even if they were divorced, even if she said she wasn't in love with him anymore, she still loved him, and she wanted them to be friends. That's why she told him the truth, cause she couldn't stand to build a relationship, a new relationship with her ex-husband, on lies. But Derek's look...it hurt her. It hurt her so much she felt like there was something pressing her chest that made her hard to breathe. She wanted to go to her hotel room and cry her eyes out. She was going back to the locker room to change, when she was stopped by Mark.  
"I heard the conversation between you and Derek. I'm sorry, but at least you don't have to feel guilty anymore." he smirked, and she knew he wanted to go back to her room with her.  
"Shut up Mark! And leave me alone!" she replied harshly, pulling away from his grip. The last thing she needed was more sex with Mark. Or maybe it was exactly what she needed, some sort of release...but she couldn't do it. It didn't feel right. So she ran away, she went hiding in the locker room, far from Mark and from Derek. She was ready to go home, but there was something she needed to do before.  
"Hey, you paged?" asked Meredith when she entered the locker room.  
"Yeah, sorry to bother you, but I'm heading home and I wanted to tell you that I did it...I told Derek."  
"Oh! How did it go?" Meredith didn't really need an answer. It was clear from the look on Addison's face how the conversation with Derek had end.  
"He told me he doesn't want to see me ever again. But he didn't shout, that's good." sighed Addison.  
The intern took a step closer to the redhead and closed the gap between them, pulling her in a tight hug. It felt so weird but so good at the same time. "I'm so sorry, Addison. I really am, but I still think you've done the right thing. Are you ok?"  
Addison shook her head. She was far from ok.  
"Look, my shift ends in two hours. Do you want to wait for me and come to my place? We could have dinner and watch a movie, or something. So you won't have to stay alone, thinking about him." proposed Meredith.  
"Thank you, but...I think I'll go to the hotel. I'm really tired, I'll eat something in my room and maybe have a bath before going to sleep. But thank you, really." smiled Addison.  
Meredith wasn't sure letting Addison being alone that night was for the best, but she knew she couldn't force the attending to come to her place if she didn't want to...they weren't that close yet. So she sighed and made Addison promise that she would call her if she wanted some company.

-o-

Two hours later, Meredith's shift was over and she was ready to go home with her friends. She was changing clothes, when she decided to text Addison, just to check if she was ok.  
_Hey, my shift's over. I hope u r ok and asleep now. M._  
Addison's reply was quick.  
_Can't sleep. I tried but I can't stop thinking about Derek's face today. Headache is killing me, I tried wine and I tried painkillers, nothing works. But don't worry, I'll be better tomorrow. Have a goodnight. A.  
_Meredith read the text and decided there was no way she would leave Addison alone drinking, crying and mixing painkillers with alchool. She had to do something for the woman that was slowly becoming her friend.  
"Meredith, are you ready to go?" asked Izzie, snapping Meredith out of her thoughts.  
"Uhm, you know what, guys...I have something to do. Just take my car and go home, I'll take a cab later. Goodnight!"  
"Ooooh, dirty date...is it McDreamy? Or McVet? Or someone new?" Izzie teased her, having noticed that she had received a text.  
"There's no dirty date, Iz. Derek and I are over, for good. And Finn...well, I think you can say we're over as well. I just have somewhere to be...not for sex!" replied Meredith rolling her eyes.  
She left her friends in the parking lot and walked to the Archfield, when suddenly she realized that she didn't know in which room Addison was. She could have asked at the reception, but she knew they protected their guests' privacy, so she just decided to text Addison again and ask her the number of her room.  
_I'm coming to keep you company. What's your room's number? Don't even try to send me home, I'm already here in the lobby. M._  
After Addison's text, she made her way to room 2214 and she knocked the door.  
Addison opened the door and let Meredith in. She was wearing a silk dark blue short nightgown, she wasn't wearing any make up and her eyes were red for too much crying, but she still looked beautiful as usual.  
"How come you manage to look perfect even when you're in your bed crying?" asked Meredith to break the silence.  
"I'm far from perfect, Meredith, have you seen my eyes? Anyway, you're crazy, you know that? What are you doing here? Aren't you tired?" She was happy that Meredith was there. She didn't want to be alone, but her being her, she didn't want to ask for company either.  
"I'm here cause I'm a doctor, Addison, and you mixing wine and painkillers worried me. But now that I know you're alive, I can leave, if you want me to." said Meredith, not really wanting to leave.  
The older woman smiled. "No, it's ok, I'm glad you're here. Can I offer you something? Wine?"  
Meredith shook her head. "A beer would be better."  
Addison nodded and opened the small fridge to take a beer, pointing the couch. "Please, sit down."  
"You don't have to be so formal, Addison!" laughed Meredith. "I'm here after a long shift to make sure you're ok, I didn't even take a shower, so I'm a mess, and you're in your nightgown. I think you can relax."  
Addison smiled and handed the bottle to Meredith, taking a long sip from hers. The two women sat on the couch in silence, not knowing exactly what to talk about.  
"So...how was your shift? asked Addison. She wasn't really fond of the small talk, but she didn't want to talk about Derek anymore. She didn't want to cry anymore.  
"It wasn't as funny as it was yesterday with you and the woman with her husband stuck inside of her!"  
Addison laughed. "Yeah, same here. But we can't be this lucky every day, can we?"  
The two women talked for a while, drinking their beers, laughing and sharing medical experiences. Meredith was mesmerized by Addison's memories. The surgeon really had a lot of experience and it was fascinating listening to her. Meredith's wish was to become at least half of the surgeon Addison was. She felt a little ashamed, cause she didn't have a lot of stories to share.  
Addison seemed to notice that Meredith was a little bit uncomfortable. "Meredith, it's ok, you're still an intern. You've just started your career. I'm sure you'll become a great surgeon one day."  
"How do you know I was thinking about that?" asked Meredith shocked.  
"I recognized the look on your face. It's the same look I had when I was an intern and I was listening to the attendings sharing their experiences. We all have our dreams, Meredith, we all want to be great. And from what I've seen in these past months, I can promise you, you'll be great. Even more than your mother."  
Meredith blushed. "Now you're lying. I can't be better than my mother."  
"You will. I'm sure." said Addison, touching Meredith's hand softly.  
Meredith smiled gratefully for these words. It meant the world to her, knowing that someone as talented as Addison believed in her.  
"Uhm, it's kinda late, so I think I'll go home. Do you think I can find a cab in front of the hotel, or is it better if I call one from here?" said Meredith. She didn't want to go home, but Addison was better and it was really late.  
"I think you can find one, but you can stay here if you want." suggested Addison. "You're right, it's pretty late and here's close to the hospital. I'll sleep on the couch, you can have the bed."  
"Don't be silly, Addison!" laughed Meredith. "There's no way you're sleeping on the couch in your own room! It's a king-size bed, there's enough room for the both of us!"  
Addison nodded, and went to the closet to find something for Meredith to sleep in. She threw a Columbia t-shirt on the bed. "I hope it'll fit."  
Meredith thanked Addison and went into the bathroom to change. When she was done, Addison was already under the covers. She laid down next to the redhead and turned off the light on the nightstand.  
"Thank you for coming here, Meredith." whispered Addison in the dark. "I haven't realized how much I needed someone with me tonight till you came here."  
"Stop thanking me, Addison. We're friends. I'll always be there for you if you need me." replied Meredith softly.  
Addison smiled, and even if it was dark, Meredith could feel the other woman's smile.  
"Goodnight Meredith."  
"Goodnight Addison."


	5. A little bit closer to you

**AN**: Here I am again. I've decided that after this chapter, I'm gonna speed up things a little, cause I'm starting to get bored by this friendship…I want more action! ;) Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter…and please, review, so I know what you think about this fic.

DISCLAIMER: Same as the previous chapters.

**CHAPTER 5 – A little bit closer to you  
**

When the alarm went off, it took Meredith a bunch of seconds to realize where she was. It wasn't her bed, that's for sure. And she had her arms wrapped around someone. She opened her eyes and she almost jump for the surprise. Her body was hugging Addison's, she had her arms wrapped around the redhead, who was still sleeping. How did they end up in such an intimate position? All she remembered was them falling asleep on opposite sides of the king sized bed, but now they were in the middle of it, Addison's body snuggled in Meredith's arms and Meredith holding to her tight. She wanted to move before waking Addison up, but all her attempts to slide her arm from the attending's back were vain. So she just sighed and started to whisper Addison's name.  
"Addison...we have to wake up...come on..." she whispered, but Addison kept on sleeping.  
"Addison..." she repeated, this time passing her free hand through Addison's hair.  
Finally, the older woman opened her eyes and looked at Meredith sweetly. "Good morning."  
Meredith smiled. "Good morning to you too. The alarm went off five minutes ago."  
"Oh...I didn't..." started Addison, then she suddenly realized that Meredith's body was a little bit too closer to hers and blushed. "Oh my god, I'm sorry!" she apologized, quickly removing herself from the intern's embrace. "I don't know how I ended up here..."  
"It's ok, I think we both tossed and turned till we ended up that way...it was comfortable, though...I think this was the best sleep I got in...months maybe..."  
"Same here." said Addison, still feeling a little awkward. "So you wanna take a shower first? I can order breakfast while you're in there..."  
Meredith nodded and walked to the bathroom. She took a shower and then started to dress while Addison was in the bathroom, waiting for their breakfast. She realized that she hadn't checked her phone since she got there the night before and that probably her roommates were worried about her. She found three texts, one from Cristina and the others from Izzie.

_So maybe it was a dirty date after all, considering u r not home yet. I._

_Mer, r u ok? It's kinda late and u r still out. Let me know. I._

_Izzie told me u r not home yet. I swear to god, if u r out getting drunk without me I'm gonna kill u. C._

Meredith laughed at her best friend's text and sent a quick reply to both her and Izzie.

_I'm fine, no dirty dates and no tequila. I'll meet u at the hospital in half an hour. M._

She put her phone back in her purse and started dressing, when Addison came into the room.  
"Do you want to borrow some clothes for today?" asked the redhead, noticing that Meredith was wearing the previous day's clothes.  
"No, it's ok, I always keep a change in my locker. Besides, I don't think anything of yours could ever fit me. You're too tall." replied Meredith, closing the zip of her jeans.  
"You're right. Oh, breakfast is here." said Addison, hearing a knock on the door.  
The two women ate breakfast and then they headed to the hospital together.  
"So, guess I'll see you around. Thank you again, for last night..." said Addison when the elevator reached the Maternity floor.  
"I told you, no more thanking me. I had a good time. Have a nice day, Addison."

-o-

"So, spill it...who's he?" asked Izzie when Meredith stepped into the intern's locker room.  
"There's no he, Iz, I told you. I was at Addison's, I stopped by to see if she was ok, cause she had a tough discussion with Derek yesterday, and when I realized it was too late to go home, she offered me to stay. That's it." explained Meredith, a little annoyed that her friend seemed to think she was sleeping around again.  
"And since when you have sympathy for the devil?" Cristina teased her.  
"She's not the devil, Cristina. She's actually really nice and funny and I enjoy her company. We're friends now."  
"You and the ex She Shepherd are friends?" asked Izzie in disbelief. "Well, I didn't expect that. Why? I mean, how did it start? Don't you think is kinda weird that you're friend with the woman who's responsible for you breaking up with McDreamy?"  
Meredith sighed. "We started to talk a few weeks ago, we went out for a drink and...I don't know, I feel like I can talk to her, you know? Like she somehow gets me. And she's not responsible for me breaking up with Derek. She was his wife, she had every right to try to get things right. And anyway, he's not McDreamy anymore...he's rather McAss."  
"She cheated on him with his best friend. I think she's the McBitch here." mumbled Cristina.  
"Cristina! It's not her fault, ok? Derek ignored her for two years, sending Mark over every time he ditched her for an anniversary or party or whatever. And anyway, I don't care if you don't like her. I do. She's my friend now, so can you all try to be nice to her? She's going through a rough time."  
"Whatever you want, Meredith." sighed Cristina, not really caring about Addison or this newborn friendship.  
"Are you ready for rounds or you ladies want me to bring some coffee for your little girl-chatting? Come on, this is a hospital, not Starbucks!" yelled Dr. Bailey entering the locker room, the three girls nodded and followed their resident to start the rounds.

-o-

Meredith caught Addison at the nurse station, reading a chart.  
"Hey, haven't seen you around much today. How's your day going?" asked the intern.  
"Derek is still not looking at me and I just accidentally broke the news of my patient's infidelity to her fiancée." sighed Addison. She felt terribly guilty about that.  
"The woman with two uteruses? I heard George talking about it. What happened?"  
"The two babies have different due dates, and when the second baby was conceived, my patient and her fiancée were broken up." Addison explained.  
"Oh, god, that's awful! Poor guy." sighed Meredith.  
"Yeah. Anyway, how's your day?" asked Addison. Meredith looked like she was having a very tough day.  
"I'm practically Izzie's boss today and she's already trying to break the rules. Cristina isn't talking to me anymore and I don't know what's going on with her. Oh, and I met Derek's sister and she's calling me the slutty intern."  
"I'm sorry about that, Meredith, I kinda feel like it's my fault. Nancy is great, she's just...we're really close and I think she's just looking out for me." said Addison, feeling sorry for that. She had to talk to Nancy about it, she didn't like that she was calling Meredith names.  
"It's ok, Addison, really. It doesn't bother me that much, it's just...it's an amount of things that aren't right today. And Cristina...god, Cristina, she's driving me crazy. She's my person and something's going on with her and she won't talk to me. And I don't know how to make her talk to me." complained Meredith, resting with her back on the counter and looking exhausted.  
"I don't know what to say, I don't know her, but I think you just have to wait. You cannot force her to talk to you, you have to wait until she's ready. Just be there for her if she needs you and you'll see, she'll come to you."  
"Yeah, maybe you're right. She's Cristina, she's stubborn and an ice queen, I just have to give her some time." They stayed in silence for a while, then Meredith added "You know, I like this!"  
Addison's eyebrow arched. "What?"  
"Talking to you...we give each other advices, we listen to each other...it's nice. I like this...being your friend." smiled Meredith, touching Addison's hand softly.  
"I like this too." said Addison. Her pager went off. "Oh crap, I have to go. I'll catch up with you later."  
Meredith waved her goodbye and she went back to her patient too, hoping that Izzie wouldn't give her hard times. But thanks to her talk to Addison, she felt a little bit more relaxed, at least about Cristina.

-o-

Meredith's day wasn't improving. At all. Yes, she managed to talk with Cristina, or at least, she informed her that she was there whenever she was ready to talk. But it turned out that Izzie was right about their patient and she had a hard time convincing this girl to talk to someone. Actually, Izzie convinced her, which basically was breaking the rules, but at the end, everything turned out well. Meredith just didn't know what to write on the report for the chief.  
And then Derek. Derek who cornered her on the stairs, asking her to go back with him. She said no, of course, but the sad look on Derek's face when she rejected him, killed her. She wasn't in love with him, but she didn't want to hurt him.  
She needed to drink something, she needed a night out with a friend. Cristina and Izzie weren't options, and anyway, in those days she preferred to talk to Addison, so she went looking for the redhead.  
She found her heading to the attending's locker room.  
"Addison! So, how was your surgery?"  
"Great, I delivered the first baby, he's healthy and the second one is doing ok." Her eyes were shining and Meredith found that incredibly cute. "The patient's fiancée is back. Oh, and Karev surprised me today, he was in the OR and when O'Malley couldn't make the baby stop moving, he started to talk with him and he managed to keep him still. I thought he hated neo-natal."  
Meredith was shocked. Alex talking to an unborn baby? Then she realized that Alex was probably missing the OR, considering that Mark Sloan wasn't exactly the greatest teacher in the world (and Addison was, but that wasn't the point). "He's Alex, maybe he just wanted a surgery cause Sloan isn't giving him one."  
Addison shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but it was a nice surprise. How about you? Is your day still sucking?"  
Meredith sighed. "Well, Izzie was right about my patient, she actually burnt herself to avoid her test. We took her to psych. I talked to Cristina, I told her that when she's ready, I'll be there. She thanked me, so apparently you were right."  
"I'm Addison Montgomery, I'm always right!" laughed the attending.  
Meredith laughed as well. "Oh someone's full of herself today." Then she stopped laughing and looked the other woman in the eyes. "Oh, uhm...Addison...there's something I need to tell you, but I don't know how you're gonna take it."  
"Tell me, what's wrong?"  
"Derek asked me to be with him." said Meredith, turning her attention to the hem of her shirt that she had in her hands.  
"Oh..." murmured Addison.  
"But I said no, don't worry." added Meredith, not wanting her friend to think that she was interested in Derek again. She just told her cause she thought it was fair, that Addison had the right to know.  
"Meredith, you don't have to do this for me. Derek and I are over." sighed Addison.  
Meredith shook her head. "I know. It's not for you. I told you, I don't want to go back with him. He looked hurt but he'll get over it."  
Addison nodded. "Ok, so...are you going home now?"  
"Well...I'd like to have a few drinks before going to sleep and a good friend to share those drinks with me. So what do you say? You're in?"  
"I'm in!" smiled Addison. "Wait for me in the lobby, I have to change and then I'm ready."

-o-

"So, Joe's?" asked Addison meeting Meredith in the lobby.  
The intern shook her head. "No, no Joe's tonight. Derek will probably be there and I really want to avoid his sad puppy dog eyes."  
Addison laughed. "Ok then, my room?"  
Meredith nodded and the two women walked to Addison's car.  
They stopped at the hotel's bar and had a couple of shots of tequila.  
"I don't know how you manage to drink this thing without throwing up. It's disgusting!" complained Addison after the second shot. "Next time we're drinking vodka. Vodka's so much better!"  
Meredith laughed. "If you can't handle a couple of tequilas, then you can't handle me."  
Addison gave her a dirty look. "Oh really, Dr Grey? Well, next time we'll try vodka and we'll see if you can handle me."  
The two women laughed again. It looked like they were flirting and they knew it, but they didn't care. They weren't drunk, but the alcohol had managed to make them forget about the day they have had and that was exactly what they needed.  
Suddenly Meredith stopped. "Look, would you mind if I...I mean, if it's not a problem for you...can I...can I stay with you tonight? I really don't feel like going home...but if you mind, I just call a cab, and..."  
"Meredith!" Addison interrupted her. "It's ok, you can stay."  
Meredith took a deep breath and smiled. "Thank you."  
They kept on drinking till they were a little drunk. So they headed to Addison's room, laughing and holding each other, trying not to disturb the other guests, but failing.  
They fell on the bed as soon as they entered the room.  
"Oh my god, I forgot how funny it was to get drunk with a friend. I can't even remember the last time I did something like this. Back in New York I was always with Mark and anyway, I was a sad-drunk. And then here, I didn't have any friends before you came around and the only time I was drunk I was with Miranda, complaining about Derek. But this...this feels soooo good!" said Addison, her eyes staring the ceiling.  
"It won't feel this good tomorrow morning, trust me. Thank god we both have the day off." replied Meredith, looking at the ceiling too.  
"It's ok, we can sleep this off tomorrow, we won't even notice we're hangover."  
Meredith shook her head. It was clear that Addison wasn't used to tequila. "Yeah, keep telling that to yourself, it might become true." she laughed. "So you want to use the bathroom first?...Addison?"  
She received no reply, so she turned to the other woman and she found her already asleep. She smiled, she took Addison's shoes off and covered her with a blanked, before lying down next to her and shutting off the lights.


	6. What is this feeling?

**AN**: So this chapter is a little bit chaotic…I'm not sure it's good, there was a lot I wanted to write, a lot of thinking and a lot of conversations, and I had to fit everything in it. So I hope it's ok.  
This will be the last chapter for a while, my brother is coming to visit me and we're going to NY for a while, so I'm not sure I'll have time to write in the next couple of weeks. But I'll do my best, I promise.  
Please review to let me know what you think about this chapter.

DISCLAIMER: Same as usual. Still want to own Kate Walsh.

**CHAPTER 6 – What is this feeling?**

A week went by. During that week, Meredith spent five nights at Addison's and one night Addison was invited to Meredith's for dinner and she ended up sleeping there. Every morning after those six nights, the two women had woken up in each other's arms. Addison seemed not to care about it, she seemed fine with that, but Meredith was starting to freak out. She had never done something like that. Neither with Derek, nor with her previous boyfriends. Even when she went to sleep cuddling with someone, in some way she always ended up on the opposite side of the bed. But with Addison, it was the exact contrary. They always fell asleep on the opposite sides, not even facing each other, and they always woke up snuggling in each other's arms.  
That morning Meredith was once again in Addison's bed. The alarm went off and, as usual, she was the first one to wake up. Addison wasn't exactly a morning person, so Meredith was always the one hearing the alarm, turning it off and waking up Addison with whispered words and brushing softly the attending's red hair. But that morning, something made impossible for Meredith to move. They were as usual in the middle of the king sized bed, Meredith's head was on Addison's chest, their fingers entwined and, that's what made hard for Meredith to breathe, Addison's long, almost bare leg, was between Meredith's tights.  
"Oh God!" thought Meredith, trying not to pay attention to the arousal she was feeling in that moment, having Addison's leg touching her just THERE. "Oh my God!"  
She didn't even find the strength to shut the alarm off and wake Addison. She was just paralyzed. And, to be honest, a little turned on.  
Addison began to stir, moving slowly the legs.  
"Please, stand still, stand still..." repeated Meredith in her mind.  
"Good morning." said Addison softly. Meredith smiled and blushed a little. Addison didn't seem to notice the position they were in and Meredith was seriously freaking out.  
"Look, I...I have to go, I need to get to the hospital earlier cause I..I have something to do, so...well..." rambled Meredith, finally standing up.  
Addison looked confused. "Ok, I...I guess I'll see you at the hospital."  
Meredith nodded and disappeared in the bathroom, coming out only a few minutes later with her clothes on. "So..see you later!"  
Addison couldn't say anything, she just nodded and watched Meredith storming out of her room.  
"Well...that was weird."

-o-

Meredith was trying to avoid Addison. She couldn't help it. Every time she thought about her and about that morning, she blushed. What was wrong with her? Why did she have to feel like this? It was Addison, just Addison. Her friend. Her gorgeous, leggy, smart, amazing, breathtaking, hot friend Addison.  
No! She couldn't think about that. And she couldn't think about what she felt that morning with Addison's leg between her tights. She had to focus on her job and try not to think about Addison. But that seemed quite impossible. She was staring at the board, without really looking at it. She barely heard Izzie's voice calling her.  
"Meredith, are you ok?" asked the blonde doctor.  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
"You seem...distracted this morning. Anyway, the boys went camping today, did you know that?"  
Merdith shook her head. "No...who went camping?"  
"This morning Derek, Burke and the Chief stopped by to pick up George and Alex. I believe Joe and his boyfriend joined them." said Izzie.  
"Prestons do not go into the woods. A guy named Preston is gonna get his ass kicked...by a squirrel!" commented Christina and Meredith couldn't help but laugh a little. She pictured Burke having his ass kicked by a squirrel and the scene was hilarious.  
"It's basically a slumber party. They do it outside, we do it inside, that's really the only difference." explained Izzie.  
Their little chat was interrupted by Mark Sloan, requesting Meredith for the day. She wasn't thrilled by the idea of working with Sloan all day, but she needed surgery, to get her mind off from Addison, and Mark was offering a surgery. So plastic it is!  
They were in the elevator and Meredith thought it was better to set some rules, to get through the day without complications.  
"Ok, before you start, there are rules to this...friendship thing or whatever."  
"The Dirty Mistresses Club has rules?" smirked Mark.  
"Gosh, you think a club of dirty mistresses would be a little less uptight about things like rules."  
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Number one: no flirting. Second, no talking about Derek. And C, no giving me the face."  
"The face?" asked Mark.  
"The McSteamy face. It doesn't work on me. I'm immune!"  
"If you are immune, why can't I give you the face? It shouldn't bother you...or the problem is that you want to be immune, but you're not..." teased Mark.  
"You're breaking a rule! Come on, let's go to work!" ended the conversation Meredith. It was going to be a really long day.

-o-

Addison would have traded the day she was having for a long day with Mark Sloan. How could she tell that happy couple waiting in the room that their baby was dead? So that's why she was in the bathroom stall, crying. She went looking for Meredith, she found her in a hallway, but the intern ran away, saying that she had to study for a surgery. Addison sighed. She really really needed to talk to somebody right now.  
In that moment, Callie Torres entered the restroom.  
"You ok?" the ortho resident asked.  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm ok, I'm good." answered Addison, sobbing.  
Callie shook her head. "Don't make me climb over the stall. I'll do it, but I'll be really pissed cause I don't know you that well." Addison opened the door. "You're not ok." said Callie noticing the tears streaming down on Addison's cheek.  
"I don't know why...there's no reason why this should affect me this much, I'm used to this, I am, but..." sighed Addison. "That woman...yesterday she's just as healthy as could be, and today...today her baby's dead..." She couldn't stop crying. She really didn't know why this affected her so much. It wasn't the first time she had to break a news like that. So why that reaction? Maybe because she couldn't understand why a couple so happy had to suffer something like that. The poor girl was having a textbook pregnancy, then she fell and in a moment everything was gone. That wasn't fair.  
"Hey. I know. It sucks. But I'll be there with you when you talk to them. You don't have to do it alone, ok?" tried to comfort her Callie, rubbing a hand on her shoulder.  
"Thanks" murmured Addison, drying her tears.  
She didn't know Callie Torres, but she could see she was a good person and a great doctor. Maybe they could be friends. She really needed to make new friends. Yes, she had Meredith now, but for some reason, the intern seemed like she was trying to avoid her, and Addison couldn't understand why. Maybe it was for the way they had woken up that morning.  
Addison took a deep breath. It wasn't the time to think about Meredith and the way their bodies seemed to fit so perfectly every night. And the way Meredith's heartbeat had increased that morning when they woke up. No, it wasn't the time. She had to deliver a very sad news to her patient. Meredith could wait.

-o-

Meredith was studying for the surgery, when she heard a voice calling her. "I'll trade you."  
Meredith turned around and saw Vicky, her patient's wife. She and Mark were going to remove Daniel's penis to make him turn into Donna for good.  
"Insurance forms. Donna gets the surgeries and I do the forms. Super fun." continued the woman.  
"Well you seem to be handling this remarkably well." stated Meredith. The woman seemed so calm and controlled.  
Vicky sighed. "Well, I left at first...when she...when he told me...we planned a life together, you know...kids...suddenly that's all out of the window...suddenly your husband is this other girl in your house, who's borrowing your eyeliner and waxing her legs."  
"But you came back. Why?" asked Meredith. That conversation interested her more than she would admit.  
"Honestly, right now...I have no idea. I'm really gonna miss the penis." confessed Vicky.  
Meredith smiled shyly.  
That was just perfect: she wanted one day not to think about what was going on in her life. One day to focus on her job, so she could take her mind away from Addison and how she had felt that morning. But that situation, Vicky and Donna, two women...well, that was just perfect!  
As Vicky was speaking, Meredith's mind had wandered, trying to imagine Addison in her house, using her eyeliner, and other things like that. And, Meredith had to admit, the idea scared the shit out of her, but she also liked it. So what? What was she feeling? What about that morning? What about Addison's body so close to hers? Meredith was going crazy. She wanted to hit her head on the wall. Damn Mark Sloan who trapped her into that case. Vicky's words echoed in her mind. And just on top of that, she saw Addison coming down the hallway, looking at her.  
"Meredith...do you..." started the red head.  
"I'm sorry Addison." Meredith cut her off. "My patient's labs are ready, I have to bring them to Mark. I'll talk to you later, mabye."  
"But..." a confused Addison watched Meredith going away. Now she was sure. Meredith was avoiding her. But why?

-o-

Donna's labs came back showing breast cancer. That was insane. A man with breast cancer. Mark tried to explain her that she needed to stop the hormones and cancel the surgery, but Donna insisted she wanted to become a woman. Vicky went crazy and left.  
Meredith was at a nurse station, still studying. That whole day has been insane.  
"So basically you're getting paid to look at penises all day?" she heard Cristina's voice.  
"I'm studying for McSteamy's reassignment surgery." explained Meredith.  
"You like McSteamy?" asked Cristina, grinning.  
"Yes." said Meredith, then she realized that Cristina would take that word in the wrong way. "I mean no, no, not like that! He flirted with me, but after that he kinda asked me to be friends."  
Cristina shook her head "You're becoming friend with McHot and now with McSteamy. We're losing you, Mer."  
"You're not losing me!" sighed Meredith. Thanks to Cristina now she was thinking about Addison again. McHot. Well, that nickname was perfect for her, that's for sure. Addison was hot. And beautiful. And funny, smart, kind. And she never complained about Meredith snoring. Not once. And her smell...and her voice...and the way she snuggled into Meredith at night. Meredith sighed again. There was no way to avoid that thoughts.  
"Are you ok?" asked Cristina concerned.  
"I...I don't know..." admitted Meredith. "And the worst thing is that I don't know who to talk to."  
"Oh you don't know who to talk to...why don't you talk to Addison, seems like she's your new BFF." snapped Cristina.  
Meredith cursed in her head. That's not what she meant when she said that she didn't know who to talk to. It's not like she didn't want to talk with Cristina. She was just ashamed of her own thoughts, and freaked out, and she couldn't talk to her. And suddenly, she felt irritated by Cristina's comment. She was always bugging her about this Addison thing and Meredith was tired of that.  
"She's not my new BFF, Christina, come on, what are we, twelve?"  
Cristina rolled her eyes. "Now you're starting to sound like her. Go talk to her. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you."  
Now Meredith was pissed. "I can't talk to her. Not about this. And I can't talk to you because you're behaving like a bitch."  
"What is wrong with you, Meredith? I don't even know who you are anymore. You are out every single night, Izzie told me, and you prefer spending time with Satan rather than being with your friends. And now you say that you don't know who to talk to when I'm standing right here in front of you? What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"What is wrong with me?" shouted Meredith. "What is wrong with you? It has been weeks since you last talked to me. When I tried to ask you what was going on, you told me that the world doesn't revolve around me. You have lunch with us but you always complain every time we say a word cause you're studying for some surgery. And now you attacked me cause I said that I have a problem and I don't know who to talk to? No wonder I prefer spending my time with Addison. At least she listens to me."  
"You know what, Meredith? Whatever. I have to go!" said Christina walking away.  
Meredith sighed. What the hell was going on that day?

-o-

"I'm sorry." said Cristina approaching Meredith a few hours later. "I was nervous and I took it off on you. I didn't mean to say those things to you."  
"No, I'm the one who's sorry." said Meredith looking at her person. "I was nervous too. It's not like I don't want to talk to you, Cristina...it's just that I can't...not now...not about this."  
Cristina nodded. "I know. Same here. Look...uhm...when your mother was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, why didn't you tell anyone?"  
"She asked me not to. Why?" asked Meredith confused by that sudden change of subject.  
"So you think it was right to keep her secret?" continued Christina.  
"Yes. Why?"  
"Even if it meant you had to fish crap out of a toilet all day and probably for years to come..." Cristina ignored Meredith's question again. She was dying to tell Meredith everything. She needed someone to talk to, but she couldn't.  
"Ok, rewind. Start at the beginning. Whose secret are you keeping?" Meredith was interrupted by Cristina's pager.  
"Sorry, I have to go. Uhm...I'll see you around."  
Meredith shrugged. That day was getting weirder and weirder.

-o-

Addison was sitting on the floor in the hallway with Callie, after her patient gave birth to her stillborn child. It has been so painful and she had looked for Meredith to talk to her, but Meredith was still avoinding her.  
"So...you're sleeping with Sloan..." she asked Callie, to introduce a conversation.  
"Was..." corrected Callie.  
"Me too was. Which is just a hailstorm of self-loathing and misery." sighed the redhead.  
"Yeah." laughed Callie. "So rumor has it that you and Meredith are friends now. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"  
Addison shook her head. "It's not like that...we started talking and...I don't know, she gets me...I thought we were totally different, but she gets me. And I get her. It's nice to have a friend around here, for a change. Considering that Derek's mad at me and I'm trying to avoid Mark, so I won't be back in his bed again."  
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not exactly miss popularity around here." confessed Callie. She didn't have any real friend in that hospital. She started dating George, but it ended badly, and then she slept with Mark but she couldn't exactly consider him a friend.  
"You want to...get a drink or something?" asked Addison and before the brunette could reply, her pager went off. "Some other time then."  
"Definitely." nodded Callie standing up. She liked Addison and she thought they could be good friends.  
Addison sighed. Her day was finally over, so she decided to go to Joe's. She needed a drink. And maybe she could find Meredith there and ask her why she had avoided her all day.

-o-

Meredith entered in Donna's room and found Vicky sitting by the bed. "You came back..."  
Vicky sighed. "I was heading home...I was on my way to the airport, and then...you know, you asked before why I came back the first time? You know, I tried not to...I went on dates, I had a lot of great first dates with guys who were planning to stay guys...but you know, you have a great day and you wanna go and tell your best friend about it...and my best friend is Daniel...Donna...and then you have a few bad dates and...she's my best friend...she knows me, she loves me, she's...my husband...at the end of the day it's Donna, even when she hurts me, even when I hate her."  
"She's who you wanna talk to."  
Vicky nodded. "Yeah. She's the one I wanna talk to."  
Those words were enough to make Meredith realize something. Those feeling she was starting to have for Addison...it didn't matter if she hadn't figured out a name for them yet. It didn't matter if she was freaking out. She wanted to talk to Addison. At the end of the day, Addison was the one she wanted to talk to. And yes, maybe everything had happened so fast, it was a little bit scary. But it didn't matter. She had to find Addison, apologize for her behaviour, tell her about her day.  
So, when her shift was over, she started looking for the redhead.  
She found her at Joe's, drinking a Martini all alone. Meredith approached her and sat next to her.  
"I'm not the kind of person who lets people in easily. I have walls, and trust issues, and I'm bad in making friends. But with you...it was so easy it's scaring me. I mean, we went out for a drink once and suddenly I'm sleeping with you every single night. And the only night we haven't slept together in a week was because I was on call."  
"I didn't ask you to sleep in my bed every night Meredith. If I remember correctly, you were the one asking me if you could stay." said Addison, looking at her.  
"Exactly!" exclaimed Meredith. "I was the one. And it scares me. It scares me to feel so attached to you, it scares me to wake up every morning in your arms. And I tried to ignore you today, I did, but I couldn't, cause at the end of the day, you're the one I wanna talk to."  
"So now what?" sighed Addison.  
"Now I order a beer, you finish your drink and you tell me about your day, cause you seem pretty upset. Then I tell you about mine, that trust me, it was pretty crazy. Then we go back to your hotel and sleep until tomorrow, cause I am really really tired."  
"Sounds like a plan." smiled Addison, taking a sip of her Martini. "So, my day...I had this patient..." started the redhead.  
Meredith relaxed, enjoying her beer and listening to Addison. There still was a lot to figure out, but she had time. For now, she just wanted to enjoy Addison's company.


	7. Cry no more

**AN**: I'm sorry, I know it's been a long time since I last updated. But I'm having a crazy month, between travelling, studying, taking midterms and my brother here. But starting from now, I promise I'll try to update sooner.

I have a question to ask you guys. This fic will cover pretty much all seasons, from 3 to 6…I have almost everything in mind and I had this idea that won't leave me alone: I'm thinking about making Addison Chief of Surgery at the end of season 3. What do you thing? Like it? Hate it? Let me know and I will go with your suggestions.

As usual, reviews would make me incredibly happy and willing to write more to update this fic more frequently.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything bla bla bla…you know…

**CHAPTER 7 – Cry no more**

"I'm tired of being dark and twisty, you know? I have been dark and twisty all my life. I've just decided that starting from now, I want to be bright and shiny!" said Meredith talking at the phone. She was in the bathtub, her body completely covered with bubbles, relaxing after a tough day at the hospital.  
On the other side of the phone, Addison, in her bathtub, smiled. "And how are you planning to do this?" she asked.  
"I don't know, I just...I'll figure it out. It shouldn't be that hard, there are a lot of bright and shiny people in the world."  
Addison laughed. "You're crazy, you know that?"  
"I know, but still...I really want to try to be happy." said Meredith. "From now on, dark and twisty Meredith disappears forever! Would you still want to be my friend even if the sheer intensity of my happiness is gonna make your teeth hurt?"  
"Let me get this straight...are you already happy or are you planning to be happy in a near future?" asked Addison.  
"I think the second one."  
"Ok then, I will still be your friend." said Addison, who couldn't stop laughing. "Moving on, remind me why are we on the phone while we're in the bathtub?"  
Meredith shuddered. "I don't know, I wanted to talk to you and this is the only time of the day we're not either working or sleeping."  
"Wouldn't be easier just to meet and talk in person?" laughed the redhead, finding the whole situation extremely weird.  
"If you want to get out your bathtub, get dressed and come here, I won't complain." replied Meredith with a grin.  
Addison rolled her eyes. "Ok you may have a point. So, lunch, tomorrow?"  
"Of course. You know, is the first night in a long time that we're not together. It feels weird. I kinda miss you." confessed Meredith, almost immediately regretting it. Was it too much to say?  
Luckily, Addison giggled. "I kinda miss you too. But if it's a way to ask me to get there, it's not working. I have no intention to put my clothes on until tomorrow morning."  
"You can come over naked." suggested Meredith laughing.  
"Ok, I'm hanging up now." replied Addison.  
"Wait wait, I'm kidding. So, sleeping naked, Dr Montgomery?"  
"Why are we talking about my nakedness?" pouted Addison.  
Meredith laughed. "You started it!"  
The attending let out a deep breath. "Ok enough with this conversation. I'm starting to feel really tired, so I better go before I fall asleep in the bathtub and drown and die."  
"Geez, Addison, melodramatic much?" said Meredith rolling her eyes. "Go to sleep, I'd never want you to drown."  
"Fine, see you tomorrow."  
"Have a good naked night Addison!" laughed Meredith.  
"MEREDITH!" shouted Addison amused.  
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Sleep well." said Meredith, hanging up the phone.  
She out her phone down and rested her head on the cold wall of the bathtub. Well, that had been the weirdest conversation she ever had with a friend. But again...was Addison really just a friend?

-o-

"Good morning, Addison!" greeted Derek entering the room.  
Addison took her eyes off the monitor with the file she was reading and looked at her ex-husband. "What is that supposed to mean?"  
"It's a greeting." said Derek matter of factly. "Used in civilized cultures in their civilized environments."  
"You're talking to me." noted Addison. "Wait wait wait...we're being mature about this? We're gonna be civil around each other?"  
"I was thinking of being friends." confessed Derek smiling. "Look, Addie, I'm sorry about what happened when you told me about Mark. I overreacted. I did a lot of thinking in the past few weeks, I want camping with the guys and I realized that it wasn't just your fault. I was absent, I practically pushed you in Mark's arms. I'm not saying that I'm ready to forgive him, cause I'm not. And I'm not sure if I have forgiven you yet. But I'm taking part of the blame, and I think that we can be friends now. We may have fallen out of love, but I still think about you as one of my best friends. You've been my family for years and I don't want this to end just because we're not married anymore. We made mistakes, both of us, but maybe we can start fresh as friends. What do you say?"  
Addison smiled. She wanted to cry, actually, cause she was happy. She missed Derek in her life and being friends was all she wanted. "I'd like to. Friends."  
"Perfect. Come on, let's shake on it." said Derek offering Addison his hand. When their hands touched, Derek realized that Addison was still wearing the wedding and engagement rings. He looked at her.  
"So, I'm still wearing the rings." murmured Addison, her eyes down. "I think they're stuck."  
"Have you tried soap? I hear it's good and slippery." Derek bursted into laughter.  
"I'll try." replied Addison, faking a laugh. Taking off those rings meant letting go, and she wasn't sure she was ready. Yes, they had been divorced for a while now and it was time to move on. But having those rings on her finger gave her a sense of security. It was crazy, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it.  
"Gotta go now." Derek snapped her out of her thoughts. "Guess I'll see you around, friend."  
"See you around." said Addison, waving goodbye.

-o-

"What are you two doing?" Meredith asked Izzie and Alex after she had listened to them speaking in third person for a good twenty minutes.  
"Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person." explained Izzie.  
"They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kind of like it." added Alex. They were enjoying themselves so much.  
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Good. Is it going to stop soon?"  
"Wow, what happened? I thought you said you wanted to be bright and shiny this morning." asked Cristina.  
Meredith shuddered. "I said I was working on it."  
"Oh, Meredith. You know, Izzie is starting to understand why you're friend with Dr Montgomery. She's a badass! She yelled at Sloan cause he was treating Alex and Izzie like slaves." said Izzie.  
"Alex thinks it was hot!"  
Meredith was happy to see that their friends were starting to like Addison, and she pushed aside the part of her that was annoyed by Alex's comment. "I'm glad. So Izzie wouldn't mind if she comes over tonight for dinner?"  
"Izzie is fine with that." replied the blonde intern.  
"Meredith, do you realized that you and Satan are starting to look like a couple?" asked Cristina.  
Meredith blushed. "What? Are you crazy? Too many surgeries are starting to damage your mental health. Look guys, I've got to go. I'm meeting Addison for lunch. I see you later."  
Meredith walked away and the other interns looked at her.  
"Izzie thinks she's hiding something." said Izzie.  
"Alex agrees." nodded the young man.

-o-

"So, Derek wants us to be friend." said Addison letting herself fall on the chair next to Meredith's.  
"Excuse me, WHAT?" asked Meredith in disbelief.  
Addison sighed. "He came to me this morning, apologized for his reaction about the Mark's thing and asked me if I want us to be friend. He actually looked pretty bright and shiny. And you said you're trying to be bright and shiny too...so I have to ask you Meredith...have you two...hooked up...or something? That's the reason of your brightness and shiningness?"  
Meredith looked at Addison, expecting her to add that this was a joke. When she realized that the redhead was serious, she bursted into laugh. "Oh my god, Addison, you are fucking insane! Tell me, when would I have had time to hook up or something with Derek? When I'm not working, I'm somewhere with you! Even last night...I called you when I was bathing. I can't believe you actually thought that. Addison, no! I told you like a million times, I don't want to be with Derek, ever again!"  
"Ok, ok, I was just checking." mumbled Addison, lowering her head. She herself couldn't believe she thought something so stupid. She knew Meredith wasn't done with Derek. So why she even asked? And why she had felt that sharp pain in her chest while she was asking that question? Was it jealousy? She wasn't still in love with Derek. So what was that? Addison couldn't find an answer, but she felt relieved to learn that Meredith wasn't the reason of Derek's happiness, and vice versa.  
"So how's your day going?" asked to change the subject.  
Meredith sighed. "Kid with an absent workaholic mother. It doesn't make sense, you know? I mean why bother to have a kid if you're only going to see it on weekends and holidays? Might as well just get a cat."  
Addison rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it. When I was little I thought my nanny was my mom."  
"Oh, mommy issues?"  
"And daddy issues too. I call them Bizzy and Captain. What does it say about my family?" sighed Addison sadly.  
"I think you and I are more similar than I thought." said Meredith, placing her hand on top of Addison's.  
The redhead smiled. "Whatever, we're grownups now. I'm sorry for your patient, though."  
"Yeah, me too. Anyway, how's your day, beside Derek?" asked Meredith.  
"Nothing exciting. Actually, Derek and I spoke to Richard; I think he's depressed. You know, with the Adele thing and everything."  
"Speaking of Richard and moms...he's coming to visit my mom every day. And she's happy about it, happier than she is when I'm with her." sighed Meredith.  
Addison gave Meredith a supportive look. "It must be hard for you."  
Meredith nodded. "I'm used to my mom's disease. It's just...I don't know, I just...it's really hard to accept the fact that she had an affair with the Chief."  
After that, they just ate their lunch in silence.  
The bright and shiny thing wasn't really working.

-o-

"Did you ever think about having kids?" asked Miranda while they were in the gallery, watching Derek's surgery.  
"Derek and I talked about it, but I wasn't ready." replied Addison quickly. That was just half a truth. Yes, they talked about it at the beginning of their marriage and she wasn't ready. But then years passed by and when she was ready, Derek was never at home enough to even try to conceive a child. And then Mark...no, she couldn't go there and think about it.  
"I love kids. I'd have a dozen." she heard Callie say.  
Miranda laughed bitterly. "Believe me, one's enough. Unless you plan to put away the scalpel."  
"That's why God invented nannies." sentenced the ortho resident.  
"I wish it were that easy." sighed Miranda.  
Addison was lost in her thought. She was looking at the two rings in her hand, finally off her finger. "What do I do with these? Hock them? Keep them?"  
"My mom says divorce wedding rings are bad juju." said Callie.  
"Does your mom say juju?" asked Addison surprised.  
"She does." nodded the dark haired girl.  
Addison smiled. "Well, what would your mom do?"  
"Burn 'em. Bury 'em." suggested Callie. "But I don't know, my mom's kind of insane."  
"Hey, don't talk smack about your mom!" snapped Miranda.  
Addison looked at her. "Miranda?"  
"Yesterday I left for work early, and Tuck's favorite food was strained peas. Nasty green gunk, but he loved them. Ate them for breakfast. I got home after a 15 hour shift and he didn't like strained peas anymore. He only wants carrots." There was sadness in her voice, sadness because she loved her job, but she was missing her kid's growing up steps.  
"Life moves so fast." sighed Addison. "Everybody moves on."  
Callie got up and left.  
"Where are you going?" asked Addison.  
"I'm not ready to move on." replied Callie, closing the door of the gallery.  
Addison looked at her ring again and then at Derek and Meredith performing the surgery, and in that moment she realized that she was ready to move on. It was over. Totally over. She was ready to start fresh. And there was something she needed to do.

-o-

"Hey, nice job in the OR." Addison said approaching Meredith. "You busy tonight?"  
Meredith sighed. "Well, there's someplace I need to stop by, but it won't take long. Why?"  
"I need to do something, and I'd like you to come with me...but if you have other plans..."  
The intern shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm all yours. My shift ends in an hour, if I remember correctly yours too. I'll meet you in the lobby."

-o-

"Ferryboats?" asked Meredith when she realized where Addison was taking them.  
The red head nodded. "I need to move on. I need a closure. This is the perfect place."  
Meredith didn't understand what the other woman was saying, but she decided to wait and see.  
So they were, on the ferryboat, staring at the water below them in silence.  
"You know, before things with Derek started to fall apart, I never really cried." started Addison, her eyes still fixed on the water. "I can't remember a single moment when I cried. I mean, of course I cried when I was a kid. But after that, nothing. People used to call me the Ice Queen, cause I never shed a tear for anything. Brides usually cry at their wedding. I was just smiling. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral, even if I was close to her. But when Derek started to ignore me, I turned myself into the crying mess you found in the supply closet that day. I cry all the time. And I'm tired of it. I don't wanna cry anymore, not for Derek, anyway." She took the rings off her pocket and stared at them. "From now on, no more tears. I'm moving on. It's over." She threw the rings in the water.  
The two women watched them sink.  
"I'm proud of you." said Meredith hugging her friend. "Let's start fresh. No more McDreamy, no more tears."  
Addison nodded and they stayed there on the ferryboat, in silence, hugging.  
"I have to tell my mom that Richard won't come to see her anymore, cause he's trying to make his marriage work." confessed Meredith after a while. "Would you come with me and wait for me in the car while I do this? Then we can go at my place, eat something and relax."  
Addison nodded. "Of course. Let's go."

-o-

Addison and Meredith were in the intern's bathtub, covered with bubbles.  
"Thank you, Meredith. For being with me tonight." said Addison with a smile.  
"Thank you for being with me. It was tough to see my mom so upset."  
Addison's face darkened. "Meredith...I'm sorry if you felt the same way...when Derek chose me. I never wanted you to get hurt, you know?"  
"I know." nodded the intern.  
The silence fell again. It was weird, there was a lot of silence between them, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comfortable. It was nice.  
"I may not be cut out for bright and shiny." said Meredith looking Addison in the eyes.  
The redhead smiled. "I'm not either. We can be dull and lifeless together."  
Meredith laughed. She was still amazed how she could feel so close to someone she had only known for a few weeks. Well, they've been known each other for months, but still..  
And here they were, totally naked, taking a bath together.  
"I am glad you're in my bathtub." said Meredith smiling.  
Addison returned the smile. "Me too."  
Maybe the other interns were right, thought Meredith. Maybe she and Addison were really acting like a couple. And maybe they were more than friends. Maybe Meredith was starting to feel something for the attending. (For example, she froze for a moment, staring at Addison's naked body getting in the bathtub. Damn, Alex and George were right when they named her McHot!). Anyway, she didn't care right now. Once again, thinking would just make her freak out, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to avoid Addison like she already did once. She felt good with Addison. She felt happy. Not bright and shiny, maybe, but it was a start. Besides, Addison herself said they could be dull and lifeless together. And Meredith was ok with that. Right now, she couldn't ask anything more. Dull and lifeless with a naked Addison in her bathtub was exactly what she wanted.

-o-

**AN2**: I'm not really satisfied with this chapter. Basically, it's useless...I just really wanted to put them in the bathtub together ;) anyway, please review and let me know what you think, so maybe next time I can do better.


	8. You keep me hangin' on

**AN**: Ok, first of all, this chapter sucks. Seriously, I hate it. But it was necessary, I wanted some sort of tension between our two favorite girls. But it still sucks. I don't even know why I'm uploading it. In my defense, I'm already writing the next one, that I hope it's gonna be better.  
So please, don't hate me, please, if you don't like it (and you won't like it), just stick around until the next one.  
And review, even if it's just for saying "hey, this chapter sucks!".

DISCLAIMER: Do I really need to write it again?

**CHAPTER 8 – You keep me hangin' on**

Meredith and Addison were lying in Meredith's bed that morning, both reading the newspaper, taking a few moments for themselves before starting their day.  
"You know" said Addison suddenly, "Karev surprised me yesterday."  
"Alex?" asked Meredith, who didn't understand why her friend was talking about Alex. "What?"  
"You know, yesterday's case...pregnant girl, shard of glass in her heart..." explained the attending. "She didn't tell the father of the baby she is pregnant...and Karev tried to convince her to do it...he talked to her, he was really...sensitive...caring...he's a decent guy, I don't understand why he keeps hiding this side of him behind that Manwhore 2.0 mask."  
"Why this sudden interest for Alex?"  
"We worked together for a while...and he was always so...annoying...and then he kept asking to go into plastic...I never imagined he could be like this, you know...it was surprising."  
"Addison, do you like Alex?" asked Meredith, instantly feeling a sharp pain into her chest.  
Addison widened her eyes. "What? No! I was just saying...come on, Meredith, he's like 12 years old!"  
"Hey!" complained Meredith. "Don't go there, I'm twelve too from your point of view, so why are you my friend?"  
"Cause girls are more mature than guys!" joked Addison.  
"Shut up!" laughed Meredith, slapping Addison's arm softly. "Now get your ass out of this bed and into the shower or we're gonna be late, I also have to stop by to my mother and I don't want Bailey to yell on me cause you have the hots for Alex!"  
"I don't have the hots for Karev!" protested Addison. "Drop it or I swear I'm gonna ask Bailey to make you do rectal exams all day!"  
The two women laughed and Addison disappeared in the bathroom.  
Downstairs, Izzie and George were listening to their friend's and her new friend's giggling.  
"This is so weird." said George.  
"They're acting either like a couple or like teenagers having sleepovers every night." Izzie shook her head annoyed. "First there was Christina, now Dr Montgomery...nice to be part of the club!" she added sarcastically.  
George looked at her.  
"Sorry, I'm cranky."

-o-

The five interns were following Dr Bailey for rounds, when Addison walked over.  
"Dr Bailey, can I have Grey?" asked.  
"You can have them all." replied harshly the resident, obviously angry about the whole Christina and Burke thing.  
Meredith left the group and joined Addison.  
"Hey, what's up?"  
"I thought you might want to be warned, your sister Molly has just been admitted for an emergency c-section." said Addison.  
"Molly's not my sister." Meredith corrected her. Damn, she didn't need this, not today, not after her mom told her she should never have had kids. She knew her mother wasn't lucid, but she couldn't help to feel hurt. Cause her mom's mind was back in years and that was something she thought years ago, when Meredith was just a kid. Her mom didn't want her.  
Addison voice took her back to reality. "Well, Meredith, technically she is. You have the same father. And Susan..."  
"Susan Grey is definitely not my mother." Meredith interrupted her. "Look, Addison, I know you're just being nice to me, but I really don't even need to know this."  
"Actually, you do." said Addison looking behind Meredith's back, where Susan was approaching.  
"Hello, Meredith." the woman greeted her. "Your father's not here. Thatcher's at Harvard Med visiting Lexie. We thought we had a lot of time I mean, Molly's only 36 weeks, and Dr. Montgomery has been trying to stop the contractions but I guess the baby's ready to come."  
Meredith tried to ignore her. "Well, do you need anything else, or..." said to Addison.  
"Actually I could use an intern for this case. Can you ask Dr. Bailey for someone?"  
"I'll do it!" responded Meredith, immediately regretting it. Why would she want to be on her sister, half sister or whatever she was, case?  
Addison looked at her. It wasn't the answer she was expecting. "Are you sure?"  
Meredith nodded. She wanted to be there. In the OR with Addison and, even if she would never admit it out loud, with Molly.  
Addison wasn't sure it was ok to let Meredith scrub in on that surgery. There was a severe family policy in the hospital. But Meredith insisted that Molly wasn't her sister, so maybe everything would turn out fine. Or at least, she hoped.

-o-

Addison was scrubbing out the surgery and getting ready for the next one. She knew it would have happened! She knew it. She had been so stupid to allow Meredith to scrub in with her. She had let her feelings for the intern get in the way of her job and Addison Forbes Montgomery never lets her feelings prevail when she was at the hospital. She had allowed Meredith to scrub in even if she knew she was emotionally involved just because she was her friend. It has been a terrible mistake. Not that anything happened, but still...it wasn't something Addison would have normally done.  
It has been a while since she first started wondering about what she was feeling for the intern. She was her friend, sure...but it was something more. All those nights spent together, the bathtub, the jokes, sometimes even the flirting. That night that Meredith told her she was the one she wanted to talk to at the end of the day...that wasn't just friendship. Callie had become a great friend too, but Addison didn't behave with the dark haired resident like she behaved with Meredith. And surely she didn't feel the same way when she was around Callie.  
Like she was evoked from these thoughts, Meredith entered the scrub room.  
"You left me hanging in there, Meredith." said Addison, not even looking at her.  
"I'm sorry...I'm just...sorry. Do you need me to scrub in on the baby?" asked Meredith.  
"No I need you to keep Molly and her mother apprised of the baby's condition while I operate." replied Addison, finally looking at the intern.  
"I'm sure they'd rather talk to you."  
"The baby's got Juvenile Artesia. She may die. I got consent but I don't have time for updates." Addison's words were hard.  
Meredith could feel there was something wrong, but she insisted. "I think I would really learn a lot from observing this."  
"It was a mistake to let you in the OR with your family in the first place. It's not going to happen again. Check in with me every hour." said Addison, leaving the room.  
"Addison, wait!" Meredith tried to call her back.  
Addison stopped and looked at Meredith. In that moment there was no friendship in her eyes, no feelings. Addison was cold as ice. "No, Meredith. Do as I told you. In this moment, I'm not your friend. I'm your boss, your teacher, so let me do my job and check in with me every hour!"  
Meredith watched Addison leaving and turned around to go to talk to Molly and Susan. Meanwhile she replayed in her head the conversation she just had with Addison. She didn't understand why Addison had been so harsh with her. That wasn't what she needed today. She needed her friend.  
The things got worse when she went in the OR to get the updates from Addison.  
"I'm having trouble with the anastomosis and I still have to take a look at the distal bowel." said the red head, focused on the little body on her table.  
"What should I tell Molly?" asked the intern.  
"I don't know!" Addison looked Meredith in the eyes. Her tone was...annoyed, cold, pissed...not friendly...not Addison. Not Addison with Meredith anyway. "Tell her I'm doing the best I can. I don't know."  
Meredith nodded and left the OR, feeling Addison's gaze in her. She was hurt, but she realized that Addison was just worried, and she wanted to do her best cause, like it or not, that baby was related to Meredith. And, Meredith knew Addison cared about her, a lot.

-o-

Thank God the surgery went well. Sure, Laura, that's how Molly named her, needed some recovery time, but everything went well.  
Meredith was in the intern's lock room, she had snapped to her friends for their behavior toward Christina and managed to make Christina understand that she was there for her. It was a rough time for her best friend and she wanted to be there for her, cause Christina was like her sister. She didn't need Molly cause she already had a sister. But she was tired. Her mom made her tired, the tension between her friends for George father's situation and what Christina did made her tired, her feelings for Addison made her tired...and Addison's behavior that day didn't help her to feel better. She had to talk to the red head and understand what was going on with her.  
She found her in the lobby, heading to the hotel.  
"Why?" she asked loudly, making Addison turn around. "Why were you so cold today, so harsh?"  
Addison rolled her eyes. She didn't want to go there, not now, she just wanted to go to her room, lie down and sleep. "Meredith, not now, please."  
"No, Addison, now. What did I do to make you behave like this?"  
"You did nothing, Meredith. Just...let me go, please."  
"Then why are you so angry with me?" asked Meredith, raising her voice.  
"I'm not angry with myself, Meredith!" Addison almost shouted. "God, don't you see it? It was my fault today, not yours. I'm pissed at myself, cause I should have known better, I should have never let you in that OR. But I let you because of my feelings for you, and that's not what a good teacher does! That's why I'm so mad. I let my feelings get in the way."  
"Your feelings?" stuttered Meredith confused. "Your feelings for me?"  
Addison cursed herself for what she had just said. Dammit, what was about Meredith Grey that made her lose any kind of control she had on herself?  
"I..." she tried to explain."I mean, we're friends, right? I care about you, that's why I let you scrub in...but I was wrong. And I was so worried about Laura, cause she's your niece and I didn't want her to die."  
"She's not my niece." Meredith corrected her.  
"Whatever, Meredith. I'm going home now."  
"Can I come with you?" asked Meredith, her voice full of hope.  
"I don't know, I think it's better if you go back to your place tonight." replied Addison, turning around and getting ready to leave.  
"Addison, please!" Meredith begged her. She didn't even realize she was starting to cry. "I need you tonight. Please."  
When Addison saw the intern's tears, she rushed at her side. "Hey, it's ok, it's ok, you can come with me. What's wrong?"  
"My mom..." sobbed the younger woman. "My mom basically told me I was a mistake. And then Susan and Molly...and Christina and my friends, and George's dad...and you...god Addison, why did you treat me like that?"  
"I'm so sorry, Meredith! I'm sorry!" said the attending, hugging her friend tightly. "Come on, let's go."  
Meredith nodded and the two of them walked out of the hospital together; Addison's arm around Meredith's shoulders, Meredith still crying.  
"Addison?" said Meredith while they were walking to the car. "Don't ever treat me like that again. Please..."  
Addison nodded. "Never again. I promise."


	9. Undisclosed desires

**AN**: Ok first of all, thank you for not telling me that the last chapter sucked! I appreciated it!  
Second…here's the new one. This was really really fast, guess I was inspired. And with this chapter, we're finally getting into the real storyline. I hope you'll enjoy it. If not, I'm sorry, that's the best my brain can do while preparing for tests and finals and school projects.  
I feel like my writing is not good enough. I find it so hard to write in English and my style is suffering anyway, hope you like it anyway…  
As usual, reviews are welcomed. I always light up when I receive some reviews, it's nice to see that my work is appreciated and it inspires me to write more.

DISCLAIMER: Always the same.

**CHAPTER 9 – Undisclosed desires**

Meredith woke up finding Addison staring at her.  
"You're staring." she said. "That's creepy."  
Addison smiled. "You snore! Really really loud."  
Meredith blushed. "That's not true!"  
"Oh yes, it is!" laughed Addison. "Really loud."  
"If it's true, then how come you never complained about it before?" asked Meredith, not wanting to admit that she indeed snored.  
"Meredith, you know that when I sleep there might as well be the Third World War around me and I wouldn't hear a thing...and I never woke up first before...it's cute, though. You're cute when you snore."  
"Shut up!" pouted Meredith. "So...uhm...how's...how's Laura?"  
"She's doing as well as she's expected." sighed Addison. "But don't worry, I'm taking good care of her."  
"I'm sure you are." smiled Meredith. "Look, I understand why you took me off the case. I'm sorry I put you in a bad position yesterday."  
"Meredith, let's not talk about it anymore ok? It happened, we'll make sure it won't happen again. Let's not go there anymore."  
Meredith nodded. "So what are you up to today?"  
Addison thought about it for a while, giving a look to the calendar hanging on the wall and her face fell for a moment. "I...I don't know, the usual, I think...waiting for emergencies, like every day. I...look Meredith...I think I need to go now...I'll see you at the hospital."  
"Are you ok?" asked Meredith, having noticed the sudden change in Addison's mood.  
"I'm fine, I just...there's something I need to do." said the redhead, leaving the bed and getting dressed.  
Meredith watched her leave and wondered what was happening. "Looks like we can't have a normal day around here, for a change." she sighed.

-o-

Addison arrived at the hospital, feeling a little guilty for the way she had left Meredith that morning. But she really needed some time alone. Having been busy for the last days, she hadn't noticed before that it was THAT week. And now, now that she was aware...she felt incredibly sad. She touched her tummy softly, trying to imagine what she would look like if she hadn't taken that decision around 8 months ago.  
She would have been in New York right now, maybe on bed rest...and maybe, she would have been happy. Or maybe not. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. She knew she made the right decision, but right now she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she had been wrong.  
She was approaching the nurse station, when she saw Mark shouting at Karev one more time. God, it seemed like that man didn't know the meaning of the words "good teacher". And Karev was a really nice guy when he wanted to, with the potential for being a great surgeon. Why couldn't Mark see it?  
"Do you like abusing interns? Is it fun for you?" asked Addison dropping the chart at the nurse station.  
"Yes, it is. And in case you've forgotten, you don't get the high horse this week, Addison. Not this week." replied Mark harshly. Addison sighed. She should have known, that Mark would have remembered.  
She watched Mark's back till he disappeared around a corner when she heard Alex's voice. "He's an ass."  
"Not this week." whispered Addison sadly.  
Mark didn't have any right to treat her or the interns like crap, but she understood that he was hurt and maybe the best thing to do was staying as far away as possible for him for that week.  
"Look Karev, I know you're interested in plastic, but Mark's not going to let you in in any surgery, so if you want, you can scrub in with me today." she suggested the intern.  
Alex's face lit up. "I'd love to, thanks!"

-o-

"Meredith, wait up!" Alex caught her friend walking down the hallway. "I need to talk to you."  
"Sure, what's up?" asked Meredith stopping and facing Alex.  
"Look I..." started the young man, obviously nervous. "You and Dr Montgomery...are friends, right? Like, close friends?"  
Meredith nodded.  
"So do you think she will...if I...if I ask her out, do you think she would say yes?" spilled Alex, almost whispering the last part.  
"You want to ask Addison out?" shouted Meredith.  
"Shhh! I didn't want the whole hospital to know about it." complained Alex. "It's just...we're working together now and I find her great. She's beautiful, smart, talented, funny...so...well...what do you think?"  
Meredith's mouth opened as she was trying to say something, but no sound came out. Alex wanted to ask Addison out? Her friend wanted to ask her...whatever Addison was to her...out? That could not be possible.  
She was about to say no to Alex, making up some possible reasons why he shouldn't even try to ask Addison out, but suddenly she stopped. She remembered the conversation she had in bed with Addison just the previous day. Maybe Addison liked Alex too, even if she denied it. And even if Meredith was jealous, she couldn't be in the way of her possible happiness. It wasn't fair.  
"I...I don't know, Alex." she stuttered. "I mean, Addison's great, you're right...she's one of the most talented surgeon of the Country...and a wonderful teacher...and she's stunning...and brilliant...and...I don't know..."  
"You are trying to tell me that she's out of my league?" asked Alex disappointed.  
Meredith shook her head. "No, no...she..." she sighed. "You know what, Alex? You should try. Yesterday she talked about you, she said that she thinks you're a nice guy, so maybe she'll say yes."  
Alex smiled widely. "She said that? Thank you Mer, really. I'll try to talk to her as soon as our shift is over."  
Meredith watched Alex leave, feeling nothing but pain in her chest. Why did she have to feel like this? Why was she so jealous? She hadn't given a name to her feelings for the red head yet, so she had no right to feel like that. But deep inside of her, she knew why she was so upset. She didn't want Alex to go out with Addison, she didn't want anyone to go out with Addison, because she wanted to be the one to take Addison out on a date. She wanted to be the one making Addison happy. It was crazy and Meredith was sure she would never find the courage to declare those feelings out loud, but that's what it was. She liked Addison. She had feelings for Addison. She loved Addison.

-o-

A couple of days have gone by and Meredith didn't know if Alex had managed to talk to Addison. She and the redhead have talked only briefly in those days, both busy with work and Addison being not her usually self. She had told Meredith she needed some alone time, so she went back sleeping at the hotel and Meredith at her place. Meredith missed her. Every night she had trouble sleeping cause she was now used to have Addison in her bed. And the realization of her feelings for the attending helped to keep her up during the night.  
She was so screwed up. She couldn't have feelings for Addison. She was her friend, she was Derek's ex-wife and she was a woman (not that it was the first time for Meredith, but still...). And above all, she was sure Addison wasn't returning her feelings. Sure, they were close, but not that close. And even if Christina said they were acting like a couple and sometimes they were flirting, she wasn't sure she could read something in it. They were just friends. Cause Addison didn't like women. And even if she did...she would never like Meredith. Addison was a world famous surgeon, classy, rich, stunning...and Meredith was just the twelve-years-old intern, with too many issues and a serious addiction to tequila. There was no way Addison would ever think of her as something more than a friend, even if they were close. Even if they were sleeping in the same bed almost every night.  
Lost in her thought, she didn't notice Alex coming from the opposite side of the hallway till their two bodies collided.  
"Whoa, be careful Meredith. You could seriously hurt someone if you keep going around like that!"  
"Sorry" apologized Meredith. "I was in my own world. How did Laura's surgery go? Is she ok now? She gave us a big scare!"  
"She's ok, she's in the NICU now. If you want you can go, you know...be with her for a while." suggested Alex.  
"I'll think about it." said Meredith. "Look, did you ask Addison out?" asked, holding her breath.  
Alex shook his head. "Nah. It's not the right time. She seems sad and she said something about this being a particular week, so I decided it was better to wait. But you should talk to her, you know...there's something wrong with her and you two are so close..."  
"I will." nodded Meredith. "Look, gotta go now, see you around."

-o-

Addison entered the NICU and found Meredith holding Laura's small hand. She smiled. It was such a cute scene.  
She had just talked to Mark, she said she was sorry he was hurting, but his reply had been so rude, she just gave up the idea of talking to him for that week. Maybe next week she would manage to explain and make him forgive her for what she did.  
She stood there, watching Meredith and the little girl for a while, till the intern noticed her.  
"Oh hey. I was just...you know..." tried to explain Meredith.  
Addison smiled. "No that's good, it's good. We all need a little human contact from time to time."  
The red head stepped closer to Meredith.  
"It sucks. It's like she hasn't had a chance to deserve this, you know." said the intern, focusing her attention to the baby.  
"You're right." sighed Addison. "It does suck watching them struggle. And that part never stops sucking. But then you get to see a baby heal and they get to go home and you just imagine this whole life that they're going to live. Well there's nothing better than that. And that part never changes."  
Meredith looked at Addison in the eyes with a bright smile. "What?" asked the attending.  
"You're pretty amazing, you know that?" said Meredith and Addison blushed. "Your eyes brighten up when you talk about babies. All the surgeons here are great but you...you're so dedicated, so passionate...you give everything to your patients and that's what I love most about you."  
Wait...did she just say LOVE? Oh damn!  
Addison seemed to notice the four letter word that Meredith just spilled and looked shocked. "You...really?"  
"Yeah..." whispered Meredith.  
The two women stood there looking each other in the eyes and slowly they started leaning to each other. They were close, so close...they could feel each other's breath, they both closed their eyes and their lips finally were starting to touch softly. They were lost in that moment and they both wanted to kiss so badly.  
And suddenly, the door of the NICU opened and a nurse came in and the moment was gone.  
They both jumped and parted fast.  
"I'm sorry." said quickly Meredith. God, what was she thinking? "Oh God, I'm really sorry!"  
"No, it's ok, I'm ok, I just...sorry." stuttered Addison, hurrying to leave the room.  
Meredith sighed. Damn nurse, she was so close...she had touched Addison's lips with hers, even briefly, but she did it. What would have happened if they weren't interrupted by the nurse? A shiver went down to her spine. She almost kissed Addison. And now Addison was gone, probably regretting it. Damn!

-o-

Addison was in the elevator, her heart was finally starting to slow down and her breath was getting back to normal. She had almost kissed Meredith. She could still feel the softness of Meredith's lips on hers, for the brief moment they touched. She could still feel Meredith's warm breath on her.  
Why? Why did this happen? And what would have happened if they weren't interrupted by the nurse? Damn nurse! thought Addison. And then she started asking herself why she had wanted to kiss Meredith so bad. It was hard now to deny those feelings she had tried to push aside for weeks now. They almost kissed. That wasn't something that happened to two friends, if they were just friends for real. So yeah, she and Meredith weren't just friends. And Addison felt something for the young intern. Something she really didn't want to feel. Because it was complicated. Meredith was the perfect twelve-years-old. She was her ex-husband's ex-dirty mistress. She was her intern. She was her friend. She was a woman. No! This wasn't really happening to her! "Way to go Addison!" she thought. As usual she managed to find herself in the most screwed up situations. And this was the most screwed up she has ever been. Not even her husband's best friend could beat this.  
She sighed. Complaining wasn't going to help her. She had just almost kissed Meredith and she had wanted to kiss her (once again, damn nurse!). And she had feelings for Meredith. Weird feelings. Complicated feelings. Or maybe, they weren't that weird and complicated at all. It was so easy. She loved Meredith. Plain and simple. Damn!


	10. Cleopatra, Queen of Denial

**AN**: Ok, it took me quite a while to write this chapter, and I know it's short and maybe not even good, but I wasn't inspired at all. I find this chapter really boring, but I had to write it, or nothing of what happens next would make sense.  
So here it is, hope you like it anyway. Please please please review. Reading what you think about this fanfiction makes me want to write faster.

DISCLAIMER: I don't think it's necessary anymore.

**CHAPTER 10 – Cleopatra, Queen of Denial**

Addison walked in the hospital with a terrible headache. She hadn't slept much the previous night, her head was too full of thoughts. Thoughts about Mark and what that week meant for them...but above all, thoughts about Meredith and the almost kiss they had shared the previous day. She spent the whole night thinking about the meaning of that kiss - almost kiss. And the result was always the same. She was in love with Meredith. But she couldn't be! It was impossible! Maybe she felt that way only because it was a weird week and she was sad and miserable and Meredith with her words had managed to make her feel better, to make her feel like she wasn't a complete mess and a horrible woman who killed her child in her womb, but someone who saved babies' lives. Yes, it was definitely that. She wasn't in love with Meredith, it was just...a weird week! So there was no need to try to avoid her, she just had to explain to Meredith what was going on and things would be gone back to normal in no time.  
Meredith was at a nurse station. When she saw Addison walking her way, she sighed in relief. She was worried that Addison would have ignored her because of what had happened between them.  
"Do you think I'm a stammering, mumbling, clumsy disaster?" asked Meredith to the older woman when she got near her.  
"What?" asked Addison.  
"Cristina and Izzie say that I'm a lot like my father, that I'm messy...is it true?"  
"Well..." Addison laughed a bit. "They might have a point."  
"No, not you too! At least with Cristina and Izzie I could find something wrong with them, I could reply...but there's nothing I can use against you, you're practically perfect!" pouted the intern.  
Addison sighed. "I'm not perfect, Meredith. Look, what happened yesterday...I'm sorry, this is a weird week for me and if you need something to use against me here it is: I aborted Mark's baby...before I came to Seattle. I wanted Derek and Mark was cheating on me and it felt so wrong to have his baby. And today it should have been the due date, so Mark is doing his best to make me feel miserable and I feel like I'm a monster for killing my baby, and I'm alone now, no Derek, no Mark, no baby. I'm just alone." Her eyes filled with tears.  
"Hey hey." said Meredith hugging her friend. "You're not alone, ok? You have me, and Callie, and Bailey, and Derek may not be your husband anymore, but he's still your friend. And Mark will get over this and you'll be friends again. And you're not a monster, Addison. You did the right thing."  
"Thanks." smiled Addison, drying her tears. "I'm sorry I have been a little distant these last days. And I'm really sorry about..."  
"Stop!" Meredith interrupted her. "There's no need to say sorry. It's ok, I get it. Weird week. Just...let's put this all behind us, ok?"  
Addison nodded and went back to her work, feeling lighter because she had talked to Meredith about the abortion, but also a little guilty, because deep inside of her she knew she was just denying her feelings.  
Meredith waited for Addison to disappear around the corner to turn around and run into the nearest supply closet. When she closed the door, she let herself fall on the floor and cry. She had believed that maybe Addison was feeling the same she was feeling, but apparently it wasn't like that. It was just a weird week.

-o-

Callie Torres was confused. George had kissed her. What did it mean for him? He couldn't just kiss her in his father's room, in front of his family, holding a urine bag! He just couldn't do it. She needed to talk to someone, she needed to understand and she needed an advise. So when she saw Addison sitting in the cafeteria, she sat down near her.  
"George kissed me. Yesterday. One minute he was holding a urine bag, the next minute he's kissing me. Do you think he's just freaking out about his dad? Yeah, you're right. He's probably just freaking out. I shouldn't hold him to it."  
Addison was staring off into the space, tapping her finger on her laptop without really seeing the monitor, lost in her thought, when she realized that Callie was talking to her. "What?"  
Callie rolled her eyes. "Did you not just hear a word I said? I'm pouring my heart out here. Jeez it's all about you. It's all about...Everything's about Addison."  
"I aborted Mark's baby." said Addison, watching Callie in the eyes with a lost expression.  
"It is all about you. Floor is all yours."  
The redhead sighed. "About 8 months ago I...peed on a stick. And I wasn't even going to tell him. But then I did...tell him. And he went out and he bought this insane Yankees onesie. And a calendar and marked the due date. Which I should mention was today."  
"You didn't want a baby?" asked the resident.  
"I wanted Derek. I wanted to have a baby with Derek. I never thought I'd end up alone." said Addison, feeling once again the tears forming in her eyes.  
Callie took her friend's hand. "You have not ended up anywhere."  
"You're right. I know." nodded the attending. "I just...sometimes it feels that way you know. This is one of those weeks it feels that way. And when I feel like this I do a lot of stupid things, like..." she stopped.  
"Like what?" asked Callie. "Addison, what's wrong? It's not just Mark and the abortion, isn't it?"  
Addison shook her head. "No, you're right, it's not. I...Meredith and I almost kissed yesterday. In the NICU."  
"YOU DID WHAT?" shouted the dark-haired woman, making everybody in the cafeteria turn around and stare at them.  
"Callie, please, I don't want the whole hospital to know about it!" blushed Addison. "We almost kissed. Like a brief, soft lips touching moment."  
"Addison Forbes Montgomery...I didn't know you were playing for the other team!" laughed Callie.  
"I don't. I mean...I don't think I am. It's just...I was upset, ok? Mark is treating me like crap and I tried to apologize but he was still rude to me...and Meredith was there, saying all those perfect things about me being amazing and passionate and caring...and she said something about her loving me...I'm not sure how she meant that, she said "that's what I love most about you" and before I knew we were leaning to each other and our lips touched, but a nurse came in and I ran away apologizing. And today we talked about it, kind of, and we decided it was just the result of a weird week and that we should put this behind us."  
Callie arched the eyebrow. "Are you sure it's just the result of a weird week?"  
"Of course!" replied Addison. "What else would it be? But enough about me. What were you saying before?"  
Callie wasn't really convinced by Addison's words, but she decided to let it go. "George kissed me yesterday, and I can't understand if he is just freaking out about his father or if he meant something."  
"I don't know." Addison shrugged. Damn interns! "I mean, I don't know him so I cannot really help you. But you two have been together before and yes, maybe he was freaking out about his father, but maybe he really meant something when he kissed you. He could have kissed anyone else, but he kissed you. There must mean something, right?"  
"I hope so." sighed Callie.

-o- 

Alex Karev entered the NICU, to find Addison checking Laura Grey's vitals.  
"Hey. How is she?"  
"She's good." smiled Addison. "She had her first diaper change today."  
"That's good, I'm glad she's ok. You did a great job with her!"  
"We both did. You helped." said Addison. She really thought Alex Karev could make an amazing neonatal surgeon.  
"Look, Dr Montgomery..." started Alex stuttering a little. It was the perfect moment to ask Addison out, but he was nervous. "Would you like to go out with me sometimes? Like...on a date?"  
Addison was taken by surprise. "Alex...I...I'm sorry, but I can't..."  
"Oh, I see...it's ok, I mean...I'm an intern, you're my attending, my teacher...it's obvious..." Alex was about to leave the room, cursing himself for his dumbness, but Addison stopped him.  
"No Alex, it's not that...I'd love to go out with you cause I think you are a great guy but...there's someone else...I think...someone I have feelings for...and it wouldn't be fair to you...going out with you when I'm thinking about someone else...I'm sorry."  
Wait, what? Did she just say what she heard herself saying? Feelings for someone else? NO! She didn't have feelings for anybody. Or maybe she did...no, Addison. Deny! But at least Alex seemed ok with that answer, considering he was smiling at her. "I was right about you."  
"What do you mean?" asked Addison.  
"You're a wonderful person. Thanks for being honest with me, Dr Montgomery. I appreciate it."  
"Alex" she said sweetly. "I think after this conversation, you can call me Addison when we're not in a working situation. And you know...I'd love for us to be friends...if you want to..."  
"Of course. I'd love to be your friend, Addison." replied Alex, a bright smile on his face. Ok, maybe Addison had turned him down, but the idea of having the redhead as a friend wasn't that bad. He could live with that. But a question popped in his mind: who was the person Addison had feelings for?

-o-

Meredith wasn't having a good week too. Her father was everywhere and she didn't want him there. George's father was dead and Merdith felt terrible because for a moment she felt jealous of him and the relationship he shared with his dad. And ever if she didn't know what it felt to have a father, Meredith knew George must be devastated. And on top of that, Addison had basically rejected her. Ok, maybe rejected was a big word..but still...Meredith felt like crap.  
She went to Joe alone, cause she needed to drink something and wash away all the sadness she was feeling. She didn't realize Addison was sitting at the counter until the redhead greeted her.  
"George's father is dead." she announced, sitting near the attending and drinking her first shot of tequila.  
"Oh. I'm so sorry." said Addison sadly.  
"It's not fair. I have a father who walks around the hospital and I don't want him there and he is fine. My life wouldn't change if he died. And George was so close to his dad and he's gone. It's not fair." sighed the intern.  
"I know." nodded Addison. "Life's not fair."  
They remained in silence for a while, drinking and thinking.  
"Can I stay with you tonight?" asked then Meredith. "George is staying with his family tonight, so he won't need me there and I...I don't want to be alone."  
"Of course." replied Addison, taking Meredith's hand. "Let's go."  
They arrived at the hotel and went straight to bed, without really talking. None of them had much to say but they needed to be with each other. Addison knew she couldn't deny for long what she was feeling, but she decided not to think about it now. "I'll think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day." she thought, quoting her favorite movie, and soon she fell asleep, wrapped in Meredith's arms. Thank God that week was over!


	11. The hero dies in this one

**AN**: New update, yay! Once again, thank you so much the reviews. They always make my day!  
I usually write about every episode, but this time I skipped 3x13 cause I was bored. So here's what you need to know: the Chief announced he wants to retire; Addison, Derek, Mark and Burke are the candidates for his job. Addison supported Bailey with the free clinic immediately, the other three signed only after Bailey's speech as in the episode. Addison talked with Meredith about the Chief retiring but she wasn't the one who told Mark. Addison and Alex are friends, as she and Derek are. And…that's pretty much it.  
This chapter is for Clai, who really wanted it, and for Kelly, because I promised it to her to convince her to get up ;)  
I hope you like it. Reviews are always welcomed.  
Oh and btw, don't be scared about the title of this chapter. It's just the title of a song that I love. Almost every chapter is taken from a song. If you want to know which song, just send me a message and I'll be happy to list them for you.

DISCLAIMER: My name's not Shonda Rhimes, so I do not own Grey's Anatomy and sadly, I do not own Addison and Meredith (but again, I would be soooo happy to own Kate Walsh!)

**CHAPTER 11 - The hero dies in this one**

Addison was sitting at the nurse station, reading some charts, when Meredith arrived running.  
"Addison! My mom..." said, trying to catch her breath.  
"What? Is she ok?" asked Addison a little worried.  
"She's lucid."  
"Lucid? What? How?"  
"I don't know." explained Meredith. "She woke up and she was lucid. She remembers everything except the last five years...they say is temporary...and she's having arrhythmias so they're running some tests...and I'm hiding...I'm avoiding her."  
"Meredith..." sighed Addison.  
"I know, I know. It's a gift, right? This time with her is a gift. And I'm avoiding it. But... I don't wanna talk to her and find that she is disappointed in me." said Meredith nervously.  
"Meredith, how can she be disappointed in you? You are a doctor, you're a great intern, she will be proud of you! Go talk to her. It's your chance, don't waste it."  
The intern smiled. "How I ended up with a oh so wise friend?"  
"You got lucky!" laughed Addison. "Now go, I have to finish this chart and you have to talk to your mother. I'll see you later."  
Meredith nodded and walked away. Addison couldn't help but stare at the figure of the other woman, and even if she knew her thoughts were totally out of line, she thought that Meredith had a very cute butt. She didn't even realize that she was looking at Meredith with dirty eyes, running her finger along her lips. But apparently, Callie noticed and went over to where Addison was sitting.  
"Uh, you know those cartoons where there's a bear, uh, or whatever and it's starving and it looks at a table. And the table turns into this delicious cooked turkey with like, lines of deliciousness coming of it..." teased her.  
"I was NOT looking at her like that! She's my friend and she's the help...and I'm not looking at her like that!" protested Addison, standing up and looking at the time, like she had to go somewhere, to avoid Callie's questions.  
"I married the help!" said Callie, smiling proudly.  
"What?" asked the attending in disbelief.  
"We went to Vegas." explained Callie. "My idea, I embrace the trashy."  
Addison could not believe it. "That's...not that I'm not happy for you but...why? Married, so fast?"  
"You know those cartoons where there's a bear and it's starving, and it looks at a cute intern." Callie looked so happy, so Addison hugged her. "Congratulations! Now show me the ring."  
Callie gave her hand to an awaiting Addison. "Oh, it's small, I know, it's small."  
"It's beautiful!" smiled the redhead. "So now you're Callie O'Malley."  
"Do you realize that you said the exact same thing that Alex Karev said?" grinned the resident.  
"Oh my god! Damn interns, I'm spending too much time with them!"

-o-

After talking with Addison, Meredith went back to her mother's room, willing to talk to her. Everybody was right, she had to treasure the moments her mother was aware.  
"Seems like you finally decided to come talk to me." said Ellis when her daughter came into her room. Meredith smiled shyly, sitting on the chair in the room, her legs closed to her body. "So, tell me about yourself. What's your life like? I...I really do wanna know you, Meredith."  
Meredith didn't know where to start. Five years were a really long time and her mother missed so much about her life. Since Ellis already knew that she was an intern, Meredith decided to start with her personal life.  
"Well...I...I think I'm in love with someone mom. I never thought I could feel like this, but I do...and even if it's complicated, it makes me feel so happy."  
"Do they understand the demands of your career? Cause not all men do. They say they do upfront, but they..." said Ellis.  
"They're great. They're a doctor too, so they get it."  
"Good." nodded Ellis.  
"Actually, mom..." started Meredith. She wanted to tell her mother that she was in love with a woman. Ellis wasn't the kind of woman who could freak out for something like this and she wanted to tell her as much as she could.  
But Ellis cut her off. "Have you chosen a specialty?"  
"No, it's...it's still early." replied Meredith, a little disappointed that her mother wasn't that interested in her personal life.  
"Cristina has already chosen cardio-thoracic." stated Ellis.  
Why couldn't Cristina keep her mouth shut? "Yeah, well, I guess I'm just waiting to be inspired. I'm happy now. I feel like I know who I am...plus I think when you have someone in your life that you love, you really love, I think that's...I don't know I just...I'm really happy."  
Apparently Ellis wasn't happy about her daughter's answer. "What happened to you? You're happy? You're happy now? The Meredith I knew was a force of nature, passionate, focused, a fighter. What happened to you? You've gone soft. Stammering about love and saying you're waiting to be inspired. You're waiting for inspiration? Are you kidding me? I have a disease for which there is no cure. I think that would be inspiration enough!"  
"Mom..." sighed Meredith, but Ellis wasn't willing to let her talk.  
"Listen to me, Meredith. Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy. But not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being. So imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary. What happened to you?"  
"I...I'm sorry." stuttered Meredith, running out of the room. She knew talking to her mother wasn't a good idea!

-o-

She needed Addison. After what her mother just said, she needed Addison, because Addison was the one who believed in her, Addison was the one who always told her how great she was, how extraordinary she was. And because Addison once had it all...she had love, she had happiness, even if it didn't last, but she still became a great surgeon, an extraordinary surgeon. So she needed to find Addison, to hear her say those words she once said in the hotel room, months before, she needed to hear those words again. "You'll be even greater than your mother." She needed that.  
But Addison was nowhere to be found.  
"Excuse me." she stopped a nurse in the hallway. "Have you seen Dr Montgomery?"  
"She's in the ER. She passed out." replied the nurse.  
"What?" panted Meredith. "What...oh god, what happened?"  
"From what I've heard, she went in the OR without any kind of protection because the patient with toxic blood was waking up. She managed to put her to sleep again."  
Meredith face became pale and she ran to the ER.  
She found Addison laying on one of the beds, with an oxygen mask.  
"Are you insane?" she shouted, hugging her. "You must be crazy cause there's no other explanation for that. What were you thinking, going into that OR? You could have died, we don't know the long-term effects of the exposure, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Meredith was now crying, sobbing actually.  
"Meredith, she was open on the table and she was waking up..." tried to explain Addison.  
"I know! Dammit, I know! What you did was pretty heroic, but Addison, don't ever do that again! Please. I...I could have lost you. When the nurse told me you passed out I was so scared...Addison, I love you for being so dedicated to the patient, but please, don't ever do something like that again! Please...I can't lose you..." sobbed Meredith, holding Addison tight.  
"Meredith, look at me...I'm fine, ok? See? I'm ok. What's wrong?" the redhead wiped away Meredith's tear, trying her best not to focus on the "I love you" part of the other woman's speech.  
"My mom...she needs heart surgery and she's refusing it...and she told me I'm ordinary...I told you, I'm a disappointment for her...you are a hero and I'm just ordinary..."  
Addison's heart broke at those words. "Meredith, you're not ordinary! You're not, at all! You're great! She doesn't know you Mer, not like I do, she doesn't see you every day, becoming a great surgeon. But I do, and I promise you, you're anything but ordinary."  
"You serious?" said Meredith sniffing.  
Addison nodded and hugged Meredith once again, when Cristina entered the ER, calling for Meredith.  
"Mer, we need you. We have to do damage control on the patient."  
Meredith looked at Addison. "Go." said the attending. "Go and be a hero too. I'm fine. I'm going to an on-call room to get some rest, I'll find you later and we can go back to my hotel together, ok?"  
Meredith nodded and left her to go with Cristina.

-o-

After a check-up confirming her that she was ok, Addison went to find an empty on-call room to have some rest. She was still coughing a little, but she felt fine. She was a little worried for Meredith, though. How could her mother tell her that she was ordinary? Meredith Grey wasn't ordinary, Meredith Grey was one of the most gifted interns she had ever seen in her career, she was talented, strong, passionate, kind...beautiful...and Addison lo...NO! She could not think about that. She could not think about what Meredith said before. "I love you"...it was the second time that Meredith told her those three words and Addison could not understand what was she meaning. Was it just "I love you cause you're kind of my best friend" or "I love you, I'm in love with you"? Did it matter, anyway? Addison could not let herself go to those kinds of thoughts. It was wrong. It was so wrong. And anyway, she wasn't in love with Meredith, right? She wasn't...it wasn't possible. She couldn't be in love with Meredith. She was so young and she wasn't really the relationship kind of girl. She told her once that she was no good at relationship, and Addison wanted someone stable, someone who would marry her and give her a family. So no, she couldn't be in love with Meredith.  
To interrupt her thoughts, Mark opened the door of the on-call room.  
"Hey. Are you ok?" asked the man.  
Addison nodded. "Yeah, just coughing once in a while, but I'm ok. How's the patient?"  
"She's better. She's on CRRT now. It was pretty cool what you did, Addie. I was scared to death when you went into the OR, but...it was really brave." said Mark sitting on the bed next to Addison. "That's the kind of person you are. You immediately signed for supporting Bailey's clinic, you rushed yourself into a dangerous situation just to save the patient...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you deserve to be chief, more than me and Derek and Burke. You have something we don't have."  
Addison shuddered. "Maybe, but you got all the glory."  
Mark laughed. "Nah, you know it's not true. I'm the cautious doctor who decided to stay out of the OR cause the hospital needed at least one healthy attending, but you were the one who kept the patient from waking up on a table with her body open. You're a badass!"  
"Thanks...I guess..." smiled Addison.  
Mark looked at her and started to get closer to her. "Addison...I...I know you don't want me anymore...I know I'm a manwhore, I know I screwed up with you in New York and I treated you pretty badly last week, but...I still love you, Addie...I still want you...and I know I don't deserve another chance, but if you..."  
Mark's words were cut off by Addison's lips crashing against his. Mark responded to the kiss and pretty soon their scrubs were lying on the floor.  
Addison knew this was a bad idea. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would have never ever have sex with Mark Sloan again. But right now she felt too confused, she was trying to understand her feelings and she was scared to know the truth, and Mark was a safe distraction. She also knew that probably her having sex with him would have given him false hopes, but she needed it. She needed a release, she needed to take her mind off Meredith for a while. But it wasn't working, anyway.  
"I thought you said you didn't think about me." smirked Mark between the kisses.  
"I don't. I am actively NOT thinking about you...right now!" panted Addison. And it was true. She wasn't thinking about him. And she wasn't thinking about him when he penetrated her, and she wasn't thinking about him while she was screaming for her first orgasm. All she could think about was Meredith.

-o-

Meredith left the lockers room after a shower and after George's explosion against Izzie. She was willing to give Callie a try, cause she made George happy and he needed someone by his side right now. Also, Callie was Addison's friend, so she couldn't be that bad. Ok maybe the Vegas wedding was a little bit impulsive, but who was her to judge?  
She walked down the hallway, heading to Addison's usual on-call room. She wanted to make sure that she was ok, and she wanted to go back to the hotel and fall asleep with her, to forget about her mother's words, the heart surgery and the toxic patient.  
The door of the on-call room was unlocked, so Meredith entered carefully, she didn't want to wake Addison up in case she was asleep. But she wasn't prepared for the sight in front of her eyes. Addison was on top of Mark, both totally naked, and they were panting and moaning and sweaty and...oh my god, they were having sex!  
When they heard someone coming in, they stopped and Addison froze at the sight of Meredith.  
The intern felt the tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry" she mumbled and ran away, hearing Addison calling her name.  
Addison quickly climbed off Mark and got dressed and she ran looking for Meredith. She couldn't shake off her head the look on the intern's face when she found her and Mark...like she was heartbroken...Addison couldn't help but think that maybe Meredith's "I love you" really meant in a more then friendly way.  
She found the intern in the hallway, walking to the locker room.  
"Meredith, wait!" she called her, but Meredith kept on walking, without paying her attention. "Meredith! God, what is wrong with you?" She didn't want to sound that annoyed, but the words came out from her mouth like that. And anyway, Meredith didn't really have the right to be pissed. They weren't a couple and Addison was free to have sex whenever she wanted to. At least Meredith could stop and listen to her.  
"What is wrong with me?" shouted Meredith turning around as she entered the locker room, clearly upset. "What is wrong with you? Mark Sloan? Very classy, Addison! So much for all your pretty talking about not sleeping with him ever again! Damn, Addison, you just can't keep your legs shut around that man, can you?  
And what about Alex? You're gonna fuck him too? You want to fuck all the nice guys around the hospital? But again, what do I expect from someone who was so whore to fuck her husband's best friend? Once a whore, always a whore!"  
She instantly regretted those words, when she saw Addison's face turning from concerned and sorry to angry.  
"Fuck off Meredith! Don't ever come close to me again. Just...fuck off!" yelled Addison, tears starting to stream down her face. She turned around and walked away, hurt and pissed.  
"Addison, I didn't..." Meredith tried to stop her, but it was too late, Addison had already left the room, slamming the door.  
"Oh god, what did I do?" thought Meredith, breaking down in tears.

-o-

Cristina found Meredith sitting on the floor of the locker room, sobbing.  
"Meredith, what happened?" she asked worried. "It's your mother?"  
Meredith shook her head. "Addison…"  
"Addison what?" asked again Cristina. "What did she do? Do I have to kick some ass?"  
"No, she…I was looking for her, she told me she wanted to get some rest in an on-call room, so I went looking for her and when I opened the door she…she was there, in an on call room, having sex with Mark Sloan. Mark Sloan, again!"  
Cristina couldn't understand why her friend was so upset about it. Meredith was crying, for god's sake, sobbing…why would she be so upset about Montgomery having sex with Sloan? It wasn't even a surprise, everyone knew that the two of them were sex buddies, or whatever. "What did you do?"  
"Nothing, I just...I ran away...I thought...you know, I thought we had something. And then she got naked in an on-call room with Mark Sloan. I don't know why that man has that effect on her...she just...apparently she can't keep her legs closed around that manwhore!"  
"Why are you so upset about it, Mer?" When Meredith didn't answer, Cristina slowly realized something. "Oh my God, you have the hots for McHot!" she shouted. She knew it wasn't really the time for joking, but she couldn't help herself. She was Cristina, that's what she did.  
"What? NO!" Meredith denied. The shock of hearing those words out loud made her stop crying. "It's just that...she promised she would never sleep with Mark again. She promised. And there she was, all naked, on top of him."  
"I've always pictured her for the one on top, guess I was right!" There it was again, Cristina with her jokes.  
"Cristina! Focus." Meredith rolled her eyes.  
"What Meredith? It really seems like you're jealous."  
"I'm not jealous. It's just...I thought we had something…it's just that…" rambled Meredith.  
"Meredith, you keep saying that, but what exactly does it mean? Look, I don't know why this is getting so much to you, but...this...you getting upset, you two being this close...do you have feelings for her?"  
"I..." Meredith was trying to find something to say, but she couldn't. She couldn't deny it anymore. Not to Cristina, not to her person.  
"Oh my God, you do! You have feelings for Satan! I knew it! You two have been acting like a couple since day one of your friendship. It was inevitable. You have feelings for her!"  
"You tell someone and I'll stab you with a scalpel!" Meredith threatened her.  
"I won't tell a soul, but trust me, Mer, it's pretty obvious that the two of you are not just friend. Anyway...that's why you're crying? Cause she was having sex with Sloan and not with you?"  
"No. There...there's more..."  
"What else, Mer?" asked Cristina, almost fearing what was coming up next.  
"She tried to talk to me, and I...I called her a whore...I said that she can't keep her legs closed around Mark, that she wants to fuck every good looking guy in the hospital, that she was a whore for sleeping with her husband's best friend...god, Cristina, you should have seen her face. What did I do?" the blonde intern started crying again.  
"Meredith, are you insane? You called the woman you love a whore! What were you thinking? I get that you were upset, but this…you're such a screw up, Mer!" said Cristina, hugging her friend. They weren't really the hugging kind of persons, but Meredith was so upset and Cristina knew she needed her comfort. "You have to talk to her. Apologize. And tell her how you feel."  
"Cristina, I cannot tell her how I feel! Are you kidding? I don't even think she would talk to me again, I can't tell her that I'm in love with her. I can't ruin this friendship more than I already did."  
Cristina sighed. "Meredith, it's so obvious that she feels something for you too. You must be blind not to see it."  
Really? Was it so obvious? But how could Addison be in love with her? She was such a mess and Addison…Addison was amazing…she couldn't be in love with her. "No Cristina, I won't tell her. But I will apologize…I'll explain to her that I was upset and I didn't mean what I said. Thank you, you know…for being here."  
Cristina nodded. "Anytime." she said, wondering how Meredith was going to explain her outburst to Addison without confessing her feelings for her.  
Meredith left the locker room, looking for the redhead attending. She looked for her everywhere, without success. Maybe she was already gone. She tried to call her, but Addison didn't pick up the phone. She went to Joe, but Addison wasn't there. She was about to go to the hotel, but she decided it wasn't a good idea. Maybe it was better to give Addison time to chill before talking to her. Yes, it was definitely better.  
"I will talk to her tomorrow." she thought, heading home. Hoping tomorrow wouldn't be too late.

-o-

**AN2**: Wow that was long! Please don't hate me for this. I promise, I know what I'm doing. Remember to review this chapter, so maybe you'll have the next one soon.


	12. Sorry seems to be the hardest word

**AN**: Here I am. I'm so sorry for the delay, I've been back home in Italy for two weeks and it was crazy, I was out every day all day, so I couldn't find the time to write a single word. But now I'm back.  
This chapter is again for Clai, who annoyed the hell out of me to make me write it. So if it sucks, blame her cause she pressured me to write it fast :P  
Anyway, I hope you like it. As usual, please review. As I said, reviews make me want to update faster!

DISCLAIMER: As usual.

**CHAPTER 12 – Sorry seems to be the hardest word**

Meredith couldn't sleep that night. She was too scared that Addison wouldn't forgive her for the horrible things she has said. She decided to go to the hospital early, to wait for Addison outside and apologize to her.  
So it was 6 am, one hour before her shift started, and Meredith was pacing in front of the entrance of the SGH, nervously looking around her to spot Addison.  
Finally, at 6.45, Meredith caught a glimpse of red hair approaching the hospital and she started running toward it.  
"Addison, I'm sorry, I..."  
Addison interrupted her. "Go away Meredith, I don't wanna talk to you!"  
"Please, listen to me!" begged the intern.  
"I said go away. I don't wanna talk to you ever again!" said Addison harshly. Her voice was so cold that Meredith froze in her spot. The attending went away, leaving Meredith speechless and heartbroken.  
But she had to find a way to apologize to Addison. She couldn't believe that was the end. It couldn't be.  
So she entered the hospital and went look for Bailey.  
"Dr. Bailey. Look, I know you are the one making the assignments, and I know it's not fair to ask you for a special treatment, but I never asked you anything so please, just for once, can you put me on Dr. Montgomery's service for today? Please..."  
Miranda sighed. Those damn interns and their damns private life matters. "I see what I can do Grey. Now go get ready for rounds."  
Meredith nodded, thanked Dr. Bailey and went to join her friends in the locker room.  
Miranda approached Addison as she was buying coffee in the cafeteria. "I just want to inform you that Grey asked me to be with you today."  
"No way!" cried Addison. "Miranda, please...give me someone else...Karev...give me Karev, please..."  
"Addison, what's going on with you and Karev? Do I have another attending sleeping with an intern?" asked Miranda, a little confused by Addison's reaction. She thought her and Meredith were friends.  
"What? No!" laughed Addison. "I'm not sleeping with Karev...I'm not sleeping with any intern. It's just...he's good and he likes neo-natal, even if he won't admit it."  
"If you say so..." Miranda gave Addison a skeptical look. "Anyway, today's his turn at the pit. But I'll give you someone else, someone that is not Grey."  
"Thank you!" sighed Addison. "I better go. See you later, Miranda, and thanks again."  
Miranda rolled her eyes. That wasn't a hospital anymore, it was more similar to an high school!

-o-

"These are your assignments for the day." said Bailey after the rounds. "Karev, you cover the pit. Stevens with Sloan, Grey with Torres, Yang with Montgomery, O'Malley with me. Now go."  
"Dr Bailey, I thought I was with Dr Montgomery today!" complained Meredith, but Bailey gave her one of her "Nazi" looks.  
"I said now go, Grey. No trades."  
Meredith sighed and turned to Cristina. "I tried to talk to her today but she didn't listen. She said she doesn't want to talk to me ever again. What do I do?"  
"Try again. I'm sorry, Mer, I would trade if I could, but Bailey is still upset with me for the whole Burke thing, so..."  
"It's ok, don't worry." sighed again Meredith. "I'll see you later."  
The two interns went on separate ways. Meredith realized that working with Callie could turn out useful. Maybe she could talk to her about Addison and ask her for some help.  
She found the dark haired resident looking at the board.  
"Grey...I heard you're with me today." she greeted her coldly, without even looking at her.  
"I am. Uhm...is there something wrong Dr Torres?" asked Meredith, a little confused about the coldness of the resident. Though they were never friends, Callie used to be nice with Meredith.  
"You wanna know what's wrong, Grey?" yelled the resident turning to face Meredith. "You, calling my best friend a slut. What were you thinking? You know better than anyone how Addison feels about what she did to Derek. How could you use that against her? Why? Why did you do it? I thought you were different, Grey, but you and your friends are only able to judge. You hurt her so bad, so yeah, I'm mad at you. She came to me, last night, crying, cause you called her a slut. How dare you? Why did you do it?"  
"Because I'm in love with her!" shouted Meredith, grateful that the hallway was empty. She didn't want the whole hospital to know about her secret love for the redhead attending.  
Callie widened her eyes. "You're in love? Oh my god! Meredith! This is...this is..."  
"Insane, I know." sighed Meredith. She didn't intend to reveal her love for Addison to Callie, but it came out and now she felt like an idiot.  
"Yeah, well...maybe...or maybe not...look, Meredith, I shouldn't tell you this, but I think Addie has feelings for you as well. I mean, she told me about your almost kiss." Meredith blushed. "And then yesterday she was looking at you like she was starving and you were a huge cupcake...and we both know her obsession with cupcakes."  
"Are you serious? Callie, come on, there's no way she thinks of me as anything other than a friend." Meredith shook her head. "It's impossible."  
The resident shrugged. "I don't know, Meredith, she doesn't look at me like this. And she doesn't talk about me like this. And I'm her friend, so...maybe she really does have feelings for you. Why don't you talk to her?"  
"I tried." replied the intern. "But she doesn't want to talk to me. She said she doesn't want to talk to me ever again."  
"She's just upset. You know what? Go find her now, we still have some times before our surgery. Talk to her, apologize and maybe later, go to her room and tell her how you feel. Look, I know Addison, even if she doesn't feel the same way, she could never cut you out of her life. Just give it a shot. It's worth it, isn't it?"  
Meredith nodded. "I'll think about it. But you're right, I have to apologize first. I'll be back soon, ok? Just...if you see her, don't tell her that I love her...please..."  
"Of course I won't. She has to hear it from you. Now go!"  
Meredith left the hallway and went looking for Addison. This time she had to listen to her apology.

-o-

Addison was leaving her patient's room with the chart in her hands, when she saw Meredith coming in her direction. She sighed. She didn't really want to talk to her. She was still very upset about their fight, she had spent the whole night crying with Callie (and she felt guilty cause she forced her friend to spend the night with her instead of being with her husband) and seeing Meredith only made her want to cry some more. She didn't know why the intern's words upset her that much, but they did...they broke her heart and now there was nothing Meredith could say or do to excuse her.  
"Addison, can we talk? Please, I really need to..."  
But Addison didn't want to listen, so interrupted her again. "I'm working, Dr Grey. You should do that too."  
"But I really need to..."  
"I don't care what you need!" cried the attending, then she realized that everyone was staring at her and she lowered her voice. "Leave me alone, Meredith."  
Meredith watched her leave and she sighed. And in that moment, all she could think of was the way her heart raced every time she heard Addison calling her name. It was something she couldn't explain. Addison had her own way to pronounce Meredith's name, that made the intern shiver. God, she was so in love!  
But now she had to focus on something else. How could she make Addison listen to her? It's not like she could force her. Or maybe...Meredith had an idea, so she ran to Callie to ask her permission to scrub in later on her surgery.  
One hour later, Meredith entered the OR where Addison was operating with Cristina.  
"What are you doing here?" asked Addison, lifting her eyes from the patient.  
"I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. You can't run from here, Addison, so you have to listen."  
"Grey, go away, you can't be in here. I'm operating." said Addison annoyed.  
"No, I'm not leaving this time Addison. You have to listen to me first."  
"Grey, get the hell out of my OR or I swear to god I'll have you kicked out of this program the minute I close this woman up!" yelled Addison. What was she thinking, coming in the OR without permission to talk to her about their personal stuff?  
"Meredith, you better go." whispered Cristina to her best friend, who nodded and left, apologizing to the staff in the OR. Damn, she was so sure it was going to work, but now she realized it was really stupid. Now Addison was even more pissed than before, if that was possible.  
In the OR, Cristina shot a glance to Addison; the attending's eyes were starting to fill up with tears, but she shut them for a second, took a deep breath and focused again on her patient.  
"You get that she loves you, right?" asked Cristina. She didn't know Addison that well and she knew it wasn't her business, but she couldn't see Meredith so upset any longer. Those two had to make up as soon as possible.  
"Yang..." started Addison and Cristina hoped they could talk about it, even if it wasn't the best situation to do it. But Addison wasn't willing to continue that conversation. "More suction, please."

-o-

"You really are an idiot, Meredith!" sighed Callie after the intern told her what just happened in the OR. "I said talk to her, not ambush her while she's performing a surgery. You know how focused is Addison when she's working and you know how she hates nurses' gossip. What were you thinking?"  
"I don't know!" cried Meredith. "It seemed a good idea at the time. I thought she couldn't run away in the OR, but she threatened me to make me cut off the program. Callie, what do I do now?"  
"Drag her in a supply closet or in an on-call room, lock the door and don't make her leave until you apologize. God, Grey, I thought you were a smart girl!"  
Meredith nodded and decided to block all those thoughts out of her head for a while. Now she needed to focus on the surgery.  
Meanwhile, Addison was having a coffee with Derek after the surgery. It has become a new habit, to have a coffee together during the day and talk. They were friends now and it was nice to spend time together without fighting or ignoring each other.  
Derek looked at his ex-wife and he noticed there was something wrong. Addison seemed upset, but above all, she seemed sad.  
"Addie, what's up? You're strangely quiet today." he asked.  
"I...I had a fight with Meredith, that's all. Not a big deal." replied Addison, staring at her coffee.  
"Well, it doesn't look like it. What happened?"  
"You don't wanna know." said Addison, not wanting to tell Derek that she slept with Mark again.  
"Come on, Addie, you can talk to me. We're friends now, so don't worry. What happened?" pushed Derek. He hated seeing Addison sad, he caused her too much pain to last for a lifetime. He really wanted her to be happy now.  
"Ok, but don't get mad. I don't need it right now." Derek nodded. "I...I slept with Mark...yesterday...I was still shocked about the whole toxic patient thing and confused about other stuff and he was so kind, so charming, so...Mark...he told me he loves me and...I don't know, I just couldn't resist. And Meredith walked in on us and she ran away and when I found her she started yelling at me. She called me a slut for sleeping with my husband's best friend. Once a whore, always a whore, that's what she said."  
Derek looked like he was thinking about what to say and how to react. "Addie...it's ok, I'm not mad you slept with Mark again, if that's your concern. We're not married anymore, you can do whatever you want and I know how charming Mark can be. You can even be with him if you want, but I don't think he would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But enough with that...about Meredith...why did she get so upset?"  
"I don't know!" replied Addison. "I really don't know."  
"Maybe she likes Mark!" suggested Derek.  
"Come on Derek, it can't be!" said Addison, a little disgusted by the idea of "her" Meredith with Mark.  
"Ok, so...why don't you ask her?" proposed the neuro-surgeon. "Talk to her and ask her."  
Addison shook her head. "No, I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to see her ever again! I'm done!"  
"Addie..." sighed Derek. "Stop being stubborn. Clearly this fight upsets you, and you care about her, so for once forget your pride and talk to her."  
"I don't know. I don't think now I'm able to even look at her, let alone talk to her. So...we'll see."  
Derek decided to drop the subject. When Addison was set on something, it was impossible to make her change her mind. So he asked her about her surgery and their conversation went on for a while, until his pager went off and he had to go.  
Addison was almost done with her shift, so she was walking to the attending's locker room, when she felt a hand grab her arm and drag her in a supply closet.  
When she realized it was Meredith, who was now locking the door and facing her, she started yelling.  
"Meredith, let me go! I don't wanna talk to you, so open the damn door!"  
"No!" said Meredith firmly. "Now you stay here and listen to me and then I let you go!"  
Addison crossed her arms annoyed and snorted. "Ok, talk!"  
"Look, Addie, I'm sorry. I've tried to tell you all day. I don't know why I said those things to you. You have every right to be mad at me, but please, you have to understand. I'm really sorry. I think it was just jealousy speaking."  
"Jealousy?" asked Addison. God, maybe Derek was right after all. "Do you have a thing for Mark?"  
Meredith laughed a little for Addison's assumption, but then she realized it wasn't the right time to laugh, so she became serious again. "It wasn't Mark who made me jealous..." She didn't want to spill it, but once again the words came out of her mind. Damn Addison Montgomery who made her impossible to control her thoughts!  
"What...?" gasped Addison. Shit, so Meredith did have feelings for her. Cristina was right. Her guesses were right. Meredith was jealous of her!  
Meredith bit her lower lip and turned around to leave. "I'm sorry" she whispered, making her way to the door.  
"Meredith!" Addison called her and grabbed her wrist to stop her and make her turn around.  
When Meredith turned to face the red head, she could feel tears starting to form in her eyes.  
When Addison spotted the tears in the younger woman's eyes, she felt like someone had put a stake through her heart. "Meredith..." she said softly, in that way that made Meredith shiver; and in that moment, Meredith lost all her control.  
She pulled Addison closer and finally did what she had longed to do in a very long time. She kissed her, not caring about the possible consequences of that. She kissed Addison because she couldn't hold it any longer. She needed to kiss Addison, to feel Addison close to her.  
After the initial surprise, Addison found herself responding to the kiss. When she felt Meredith's tongue running along her lips, she opened her mouth and allowed Meredith's tongue to enter it. Their tongues danced together for a while, softly at first, but soon becoming more hungry, more demanding. When they parted, they were both panting.  
"Oh my god..." said Meredith, obviously panicking, unlocked the door and ran away, leaving a very confused Addison alone in the supply closet.


	13. The trick is to keep breathing

**AN**: Another update…wow! This was fast! I think Clai pressuring me really works ;)  
I don't have much to say, I guess I just like to write random things before starting with the chapter.  
Anyway, I'm not sure this is good, but I hope you'll like it anyway. Don't forget to review.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Grey's Anatomy, I'm sure Addie would still be at SGH and Lexie wouldn't exist (I hate her, that's one thing you need to know about me). But unfortunately, Addie's in PP and Lexie exists, so no, I don't own it.

**CHAPTER 13 – The trick is to keep breathing**

To say Addison was confused was an understatement. Meredith kissed her.  
Ok, she wasn't stupid, she realized that Meredith had feelings for her. They way she had freaked out when she had founded Addison having sex with Mark, and she admitted she was jealous...so yeah, Meredith had feelings for her. What confused Addison was that Meredith had kissed her and then left without giving her the chance to say anything. Not that she knew what to say. She had tried to ignore the feelings that had exploded inside of her when her lips collided with Meredith's but it was pointless. Cause even if Addison didn't want to admit it, she felt something, she felt like electricity through her body. And desire.  
So no, she didn't know what she could have said if Meredith hadn't stormed out the closet, but surely she didn't like that the intern had kissed her and left. They needed to talk. Cause all those past months, all the tension between them, all the jokes of their friends were suddenly making sense and they had to figure out what was going on between them.  
Addison was tempted to go find Meredith, but instead she decided to go back to the hotel and take some time to think about what she wanted. She needed to figure out her feelings before talking to Meredith.  
So that's how she spent the night, tossing and turning in her bed, her mind replaying the kiss all over again. It has been ages since she last felt that aroused with just a kiss. Last time has been...hell, she didn't even remember. And she never thought she would feel that way kissing a girl. But Meredith wasn't like any other girl. And Addison was scared by her feelings for the interns, but she didn't want to run this time. She had denied everything she was feeling after their almost kiss but now...she couldn't deny it anymore. She knew what she wanted now. She wanted Meredith. She loved Meredith. She was ready.

-o-

"Cristina!" shouted Meredith, entering her friend's apartment, not really caring that Cristina was in bed with Burke. "You. Me. Talk. Now!"  
Cristina looked at Burke, who left the room without questions.  
"I kissed her!" said Meredith when they were alone. "I kissed Addison and she kissed me back."  
"You kissed her?" asked Cristina surprised. She knew Meredith wanted to apologize to Addison but she never thought she would have kissed the redhead. "Wow! What happened then?"  
"Nothing."  
"Nothing?" repeated the dark-haired girl, confused.  
"I kissed her and then I left, without giving her the chance to say anything." confessed Meredith, suddenly regretting her behavior. "God, I'm such an idiot!"  
"You are" confirmed Cristina. "Why did you leave?"  
Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I panicked. I didn't plan to kiss her, ok? It just...happened...and I didn't want to give her time to regret it."  
"Mer..." sighed Cristina. "You two can't go on like this. You have to talk about what's going on between the two of you. You can't keep doing things or saying things and then run away because you're both chickens, too scared to admit to one another what you're feeling."  
"Wow, I didn't know you were able to make this kind of speech." Meredith teased her, a little bit more relaxed.  
"If you tell someone, I promise I'll hunt you down for the rest of your residency! Now go home, get some sleep and tomorrow talk to Satan and tell her that you love her, so you two can finally stop annoying the whole hospital with your problems."  
Meredith laughed and left her friend's house. Cristina was right. She needed to set the things straight with Addison as soon as possible. A part of her wanted to go to the hotel and talk to the attending that night, but she knew it was better to give Addison some time to think. They would have talked the next morning and, this time, Meredith was ready to confess her feelings. No running, no hiding. Just the truth. "Addison, I'm in love with you." Damn, it wasn't that hard, was it?

-o-

After a good night of sleep, or better, lack of sleep, Addison's mind was finally clear. Now she was 100% sure of what she wanted: she wanted Meredith, she wanted to be with her, to be able to kiss her like they have kissed the previous day anytime she wanted, any other day of her life. And she knew it wasn't going to be simple. There were so many obstacles in their way: first of all the fact that they were both women and Addison wasn't naive to think that nobody would care...then Derek, that Addison knew was still in love with Meredith...and the hospital gossip (Addison HATED hospital gossip)...and Mark...and so many other things...but she didn't care, cause all she wanted was to be with Meredith.  
A thought crossed her mind for a second: what if Meredith didn't want to be with her? Yes, she kissed her...but she never really said anything about them being together...she never said anything at all. So maybe...maybe it was just...an experiment, or something like that...maybe it was just a physical attraction, but at the end of the day, Meredith didn't want to throw herself in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife...with Satan.  
Addison needed to talk to Meredith and ask her if she really wanted to be with her.  
"Have you seen Dr Grey?" she asked to a nurse.  
"All Bailey's interns are at the bay, for the ferryboat crash." responded the nurse. "I think Dr Yang is the only one around here, do you want me to page her?"  
Addison shook her head and walked away. Ferryboat crash? God she was so deeply involved in her personal life that she had forgot that she was at work and that maybe somebody could need her help. She decided to reach the ER to offer her help, maybe there was a pregnant woman there...she had to focus on saving life and put her love life on hold.  
In the ER things were out of control. Dozens of injured people were waiting for someone to check on them and in the waiting room, the relatives were asking questions about their beloved. Most of them were missing.  
For the moment, there were no pregnant women so Addison decided to help the Chief with administrative duties and went to clear the surgical board for the emergent surgeries the new patients required.  
"All of the non emergent surgeries have been postponed." she told the chief. "I checked of discharges and I freed up as many beds as I could."  
"Good." said the Chief. "I would have done that but...you did good, Addison. You'd be a great Chief, you know?"  
Addison blushed. "Thanks. I think I better go, see if somebody needs me down there."  
The Chief nodded and watched Addison walk away. "Addie." he called her back. Addison turned around. "Are you ok? I mean...I never really asked you after the divorce and now...I'm starting to understand how you might have felt...so...are you ok?"  
"I'm fine, Richard." smiled the redhead. "I'm moving on."

-o-

"So?" Callie asked Addison while they were watching the scans of a pregnant patient who broke almost every bone in her body during the crash.  
"So what?" asked Addison confused.  
"Meredith...did you finally listen to her?"  
"I did...I..." blushed Addison. "We kissed."  
"Way to go, Manhattan!" cheered Callie! "Was it good? Did you talk after it? Are you two...together, or something?"  
"I don't know." admitted the attending. "She left after the kiss and I was looking for her today but she was still gone with Bailey. But I've been thinking tonight, Callie and...I want to be with her. I feel something for her...I'm a bit scared to say it out loud, cause I've never said that but...I think I'm in love with her."  
"Wow!" stated the resident. "She's in love with you too, you know?"  
"I don't know." sighed the redhead.  
"She is. She told me. Yesterday I was in my overprotective-best-friend mode and I was yelling at her for what she said to you and she told me she's in love with you. Everything's gonna be ok, Addie. You two just need to talk."  
Addison nodded. "Look, I think I'm gonna go down to the ER, if you can take it from here. The baby's fine, so I don't think you're gonna need me anymore. If anything happens, page me."  
Addison just had the time to walk into the ER when Alex arrived with an ambulance.  
"Addison!" he shouted and she reached for him. "Jane Doe, about six months pregnant, found under a pile of rubble. Sustained crush injuries to her right torso and upper extremities as well as severe trauma to the face. BP initially low but now up to 90 over 60 after a liter of fluid and placing her on her left side."  
The Chief and Cristina joined them in the trauma room and they started to work to stabilize the woman.

-o-

Meredith was walking around trying to find a little girl's mother, when Derek called her.  
"Meredith, hey, you got a free hand? Here, hold this bandage for me." he asked her, then he noticed Meredith's face. "You all right?"  
Meredith shrugged. "Yeah, it's just...a lot. My mom's having heart surgery today and...well...there are other stuff too."  
"Is it Addison?" suggested Derek.  
"What? Yeah, I mean...we had a fight. but now it's ok..I guess..."  
"Look Meredith..." sighed Derek. "I know it's none of my business, and maybe I should be the last to talk, but...Addie's my friend and I care about her and yes, she cheated on me, but now it's over and what you said it's not fair to her. Why did you do it?"  
"Because I l..." started to say Meredith but then she stopped. She couldn't tell Derek that she was in love with his ex wife. "I just snapped, ok? I don't know why, but I apologized and she has forgiven me, so..." Ok that wasn't really the truth. Addison never said she forgave Meredith. But she kissed her back, so maybe that can count as forgiveness. "Now, are you good? Cause I gotta get this kid to triage?"  
Derek nodded, so Meredith took the kid and left. That whole conversation made her realize once more that she needed to talk to Addison as soon as possible.  
Her mind went back to the last months, how she and Addison went from being almost enemies to being that close...and they fell in love...at least, Meredith fell in love, she wasn't sure about Addison's feelings yet. She thought about the fight they had over Molly, she thought about that night in the bathtub and the countless nights they spent in each other's arms. She laughed a little when she realized that her friends were so right when they were teasing her about them behaving like a couple. From the outside, they looked like they have been dating for months. She wondered what would it be like to date Addison for real. Well, maybe not that different from what they had been doing for months, plus the sex. Sex...Meredith blushed at the thought of having sex with the gorgeous redhead.  
Then she finally remembered where she was and that she still had to bring the little girl to the triage tent. She was about to head that way when she saw a man crawling on the ground, his leg badly injured.  
She tried to stop one of the paramedics to bring the girl to the tent, but they were all too busy, so she had no choice but to ask the girl not to look and started helping the man.  
She managed to sew the man's leg, she just needed to bandage him up and take him to the hospital. The man was shivering, so she took off her coat and covered him with it.  
"Oh, I can't stand the pain. I gotta get out of here." complained the man and he tried to stand up, but doing that, he hit Meredith, pushing her over the dock edge into the water.

-o-

Jane Doe's surgery went pretty well, she was stable for the moment, and Addison was positive she was going to survive. She checked the chart and headed to the cafeteria cause she really needed a coffee, when her pager went off.  
"911" she thought. "God, what a crazy day!"  
She reached the trauma room and heard Richard from the outside. "Whoa, was that V-fib. Charge to 300. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Clear."  
Addison entered the room, but she wasn't prepared to the sight in front of her. Meredith was lying there, motionless. Worse, Meredith was crashing, and she looked like she was frozen.  
"Back to asystole. Keep compressions going." said Richard.  
"Oh my god!" whispered Addison in shock.  
"She's hypothermic." explained Burke, not noticing Addison's shock.  
"Oh my god!" repeated Addison, louder.  
Bailey looked at her.  
"Meredith!" Addison started shouting. "Oh my god, Meredith...Meredith please...MEREDITH!"  
"Shepherd, get her out of here!" Bailey ordered Derek.  
Derek went near Addison, but the woman shouted louder. "MEREDITH!"  
"Addie, come with me." said Derek softly, but Addison wasn't listening to him.  
"NO!" she screamed. "MEREDITH!"  
Derek dragged Addison out of the room, not knowing what to do to calm her down. "Addie, listen to me..."  
"Derek, let me go, I need to go back there! Derek please...MEREDITH!" cried Addison collapsing on the floor. She was sobbing and shaking and she couldn't hear a single word Derek was saying to her, trying to explain what happened. Her mind was blank, she only had one thought: Meredith, lying on that table. HER Meredith, dying. "Meredith..." she kept on whispering between the sobs, until she had no more strenght and let herself fall in Derek's arms.


	14. Note to self: don't die!

**AN**: Ok this chapter was hard! Trust me, you have no idea. And I'm not sure how it turned out but SOMEONE *cough* Clai *cough* was pressuring me, so here it is. Hope you like it.  
I wanna dedicate this to Kelly cause she came out last Monday and she deserves it. I'm so proud of you, Kelly! Good job!  
Don't forget to review, ya all! Remember: the more reviews I get, the faster I update!

DISCLAIMER: After tonight's episode of PP I want to own Kate Walsh more than ever! But I still don't, and I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**CHAPTER 14 – Note to self: don't die!**

Bailey, the Chief and Burke have been working to try to reanimate Meredith for a while now, but there were no changes. Even if no one was saying it, they were starting to lose hope.  
Outside the room, Addison was finally calming down. She wasn't crying anymore, she actually thought she had cried all her tears. It was surreal. Meredith couldn't be dying. It simply wasn't an option.  
Derek was sitting beside her, holding her and brushing her hair softly. He didn't know what to do. He had never seen Addison like that. He had never seen her crying like that and screaming like that, not even when he kicked her out of the Brownstone, almost a year before. And now she seemed almost lifeless in his arms, like strength had abandoned her. He didn't know what to do or say to make it better for a woman who was still so important to him.  
Mark came out of the trauma room where Meredith was and Addison jumped on her feet.  
"Tell me!" she said, looking Mark in the eyes.  
The plastic surgeon sighed. He didn't know how tell Addison that the chances Meredith would survive were almost zero. "Her temp's still only 86. There's still no heartbeat. We're hoping once she warms up..."  
"I wanna go in there!"  
"No, Addie..." sighed Mark. He knew Addison wanted to be in that room, but it was better for anybody if she just stayed in the hallway and wait.  
"Mark, I wanna go in there, I want to be with her, I need to be with her." protested the redhead.  
"Addison, you can't...you're upset, you had a panic attack before and people in there are trying to save Meredith's life and you losing it again won't help them. You'll go inside when she's stable." tried to explain Derek.  
"What if I don't get the chance?" asked Addison, tears starting to form again in her eyes. "What if she...I have to be in there, I have to talk to her, I...please, let me go..."  
Derek and Mark looked at their friend and their heart broke at the sight. Addison was right, maybe she won't have the chance to go in there and see Meredith once again. But they couldn't let her in, they just couldn't.  
"Addie..." sighed once again Mark. "Please, try to understand. There's a reason why we don't allow relatives in the OR or in the trauma rooms, and you know it. You're too attached; you can't go in there, not when they're trying so hard to save her. Do you understand?"  
Addison nodded. She knew she wasn't strong enough to go in there, but she couldn't just stay there and wait. She needed to do something. As evoked from her mind, her pager went off. "It's my Jane Doe...she's awake...I..." she stuttered. "I have to go."  
"Addie!" Derek stopped her. "Are you sure you're able to work now? I don't think it's a good idea, you're too shaken up..."  
"Stop telling me what I can't do!" shouted Addison. "I can't just sit and wait, I can't. I can't go and be with Meredith, I get it. I can't help her in any way. But I can do something for Jane Doe...so let me go. I promise, if she needs surgery I'll postpone it as much as I can cause I understand I'm in no shape to operate right now. But I have to check on her."The two men nodded and let her go. Addison walked through the door where she found the other interns, waiting for news.  
"So?" they asked simultaneously.  
"It's...it's not good." said Addison, trying to find the strength to be professional and deliver the news to Meredith's friends. But how could she behave like a doctor and tell the interns what she was trying to deny to herself? How could she tell them that there were a few chances that the woman she loved could make it?  
"Is she still cyanotic? What was her initial temp? What is taking so long?" Cristina started to ramble, but Addison interrupted her.  
"Dr Yang! It's not good. They're...they're doing everything they can in there, but...you should...we should maybe...prepare ourselves..." she felt the tears burning in her eyes the moment she said those words and she knew she couldn't finish the sentence. "I have to go, my Jane Doe's awake."  
"I'm coming with you!" said Alex, reaching for Addison and putting a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "Iz, you'll let us know?"  
Izzie nodded, so Alex and Addison walked away to reach Jane Doe's room.  
"Are you sure you can handle this?" asked Alex when they were alone. "If you want you can stay there, I can go and update you."  
Addison shook her head. "No, I need to do something, I can't stay there anymore knowing that there's nothing I can do. But thanks, Alex. Come on, let's go."

-o-

It wasn't that Meredith was freaking out. She wasn't, really. She was calm. And she wasn't in denial. It was just so surreal. She was there with Dylan, Denny, Liz and Bonnie. And Doc. God, she had missed that dog. It was nice to be able to pet him again. She had always loved that dog.  
At first she thought she was seeing them cause her brain was on drugs. She drowned, so maybe they gave her drugs during the recovery process. But everyone kept saying she was dead. What did Dylan say? "You are dead. You're really freaking dead, dirt nap dead, no more you dead."  
She really couldn't understand. She thought she was in heaven, but Bonnie said she wasn't. And Dylan said they were there cause she called them, but she really didn't call anybody. And then they wanted her to talk about the water thing and Bonnie started bleeding and Meredith wanted to help her but Denny kept saying she didn't have time to waste. That she was running out of time. But time for what?  
And then he asked her about the tub. God, she had almost forgotten about the tub. That morning she was taking a bath and for a moment she left herself slip under the water and she lost track of time. Then Izzie entered the bathroom and pulled her out of the water and she just said that she was relaxing, that she was under the water for just a couple of second but she knew it wasn't like that. In that moment, she was thinking about her mother, how she called her ordinary...and Addison, their fight and their kiss and the way she ran after the kiss and how she had waited all night for Addison to show up at her house, but she never came. But she fought in the bay, she tried hard, she swam, but the water was just too cold. She didn't want to drown but it happened.  
But Bonnie was sure she did that on purpose. "I know crappy things have happened to you but how can you be a surgeon and have so little respect for life." she said and then she started bleeding again.  
Meredith was really confused. What was all that about? Either she was dead or not. But if she was dead, as Dylan said, what was the point of that discussion? She died, end of the story. But no, they kept asking her what happened in the water.  
Now she was in the OR, and Denny appeared and asked her again what happened in the water.  
"I swam. I fought." she said once again. God was it so hard to understand?  
"No, you didn't!" replied Denny. "And you can't stay here Meredith."  
"I don't want to!" shouted the intern, as she kept looking for something to stop Bonnie's bleeding.  
"Yeah, you do." said Denny quietly. "But you can't because George's dad died. Because Izzie lost me. And Cristina...when she was nine she was in a car accident with her father and he bled out right in front of her while they waited for an ambulance to arrive. And Alex..."  
"Stop" Meredith didn't want to listen anymore.  
But Denny kept on talking. "They are barely breathing. This will break them. None of them deserves that. And this...this is the big one. See pay attention!" He sat down and Meredith knew what he was about to say. Because when Denny talked about her friends needing her, he missed someone. He missed the most important one. "Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Addison is who she is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like even exists? She's still an optimist, even if she breaks down, even after everything that happened to her, her divorce, Mark, her parents...she still believes in true love and magic and soul mates. And she loves you, Meredith, trust me, she does. And she's waiting for you and if you don't come back from this, you will change who she is."  
"But she...she never came to my place last night." objected Meredith. "I kissed and I waited for her to come to me but she never came. And I thought...I thought she was mad at me, that she didn't want me."  
"Meredith." sighed Denny. "She was just thinking. She wanted to come after you but she needed time to realize what she really wants. And she wants you, I can tell."  
"Oh god!" cried Meredith. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, she Denny was gone and she was in the OR alone.

-o-

"How is she?" asked Derek when Mark came out again from Meredith's room.  
"Still the same." sighed Mark, sitting down next to Derek. The neurosurgeon had promised Addison to stay there and update her from time to time while she was taking care of Jane Doe.  
"God, she has to make it!" said Derek. "She cannot die. Addison would be devastated...I've never seen her like this before. She scared me, Mark. She wasn't Addison. I've never seen her like this."  
"I did." Derek looked at Mark confused. "Well, not really like that, but pretty much. We were interns and you had that accident with your bike, remember? She cried and shouted and I almost had to sedate her to keep her calm. She thought the man she loved was going to die...can you blame her for being that upset?"  
Derek remained in silence, trying to process what Mark just said. Then realization hit him. "So you're saying that...Addison's in love with Meredith?"  
Mark nodded. "Yeah...I don't like that, but I can't deny it. She loves her, she loves her probably like she never loved anyone else before, including you...or me..."  
"Mark do you really love Addison?" asked Derek. There wasn't anger in his voice, not anymore. He wasn't in love with Addison anymore...yes, he deeply cared about her, but just as his friend. "I mean...I've always thought she was just a game for you. The woman you could never have. Kinda like a challenge for you."  
Mark shook his head. "She was never a game. I love her, Derek, I've always loved her. Please, don't get mad if I say that I've been in love with her from the first time I saw her. But you loved her too and she loved you and there was nothing I could do. And when I saw you ignoring her and choosing your job over her I wanted to kill you because she didn't deserve to be treated that way and I would have done anything for her. That's why I slept with her. She was upset and she needed someone to remind her how wonderful she is because she was losing confidence in herself...and I couldn't resist, I wanted her so much and she was there, broken and abandoned by her husband...I'm sorry, Derek, I'm so sorry. I never planned of falling in love with her."  
Derek nodded. "It's ok Mark. I wish you've told me before. I...I had no idea..."  
Mark shrugged. "You weren't supposed to know. Anyway, now it's not important. It's not about you and me anymore. She's in love with Meredith and Meredith may die and I don't even want to think about it, cause I can't imagine what Addison would do."  
"She has to make it." sighed Derek. "Meredith has to survive."

-o-

Addison didn't want to enter Ellis Grey's room, but she found herself walking in that hallway and before she knew it, she was sitting in the chair, waiting for Ellis to wake up. At least she knew that this Grey was waking up.  
Ellis opened her eyes and looked around the room. "Water! Get me some water." she ordered when she saw the redhead doctor in the room.  
Addison nodded and brought her a glass of water. Her eyes were still red for the crying and Ellis looked at her confused.  
"You broke her." started Addison. She really didn't want to, but again, she couldn't control herself when it came to Meredith. "You called her ordinary. You taught her time and time again that nothing she does ever is good enough. Every good thing that Meredith is happened despite you."  
"So it's you...the person Meredith's in love with. I can tell...well I never imagined she was a lesbian." said Ellis.  
Addison ignored her. "She may not survive this. That's on you. That is on you." She almost shouted.  
"Addison!" Derek appeared on the door. Addison sighed and left the room.  
"That woman is..." started Addison.  
"She's cold. There's no question but she can't help herself and she certainly can't fix Meredith." Derek tried to calm Addison, once again.  
"It's my fault." cried Addison. "I should have told her how I feel, I should have gone to her place last night but I didn't...and now..."  
"You think...you think that she went in the water on purpose?" asked Derek shocked. He couldn't believe that Meredith would do something like that.  
Addison nodded. "She knows how to swim, she's a good swimmer."  
"Addison, you don't know that's she..." Derek stopped when he saw Addison starting to cry again. "No, you do not get to break down, you don't get to fall apart. Not when there's still a chance and there still is a chance Addison, ok?"  
"Ok." sighed Addison. Derek was right. There was still a chance.  
Derek left and Addison tried to stop the tears from falling. In that moment, she saw Burke running down the hall.  
"Preston!" she shouted. "Please, tell me that she's not..."  
Burke shook his head. "No, she's...she's still the same, but she's not...I have to go, I have to pick up Cristina. She's at Joe's and I think she's freaking out. I have to bring her back here."  
"Can I..." started Addison. "Can I go? I know how she's feeling, cause I feel pretty much the same."  
Burke nodded. Maybe Addison was right, and the two women could keep each other strong.

-o-

Addison spotted Cristina sitting at the counter with a glass in her hand. She sighed and approached the woman, sitting next to her. "Been no change. Thought you should know."  
"No kidding." replied Cristina harshly, without even looking at her.  
"You should be there. You have a responsibility to Meredith." said Addison.  
"Sorry Dr Montgomery. I don't do this stuff. I'm not proud, ok? I just..." Cristina finally looked up. "I can't. I can't go back there and watch."  
"They wouldn't let us in anyway." sighed Addison. "But if they did, you should be there. This is about you and the woman you call your person. And if she..." Addison hesitated. She didn't want to say it out loud, because it would make it real, but she needed to bring Cristina back to the hospital. She owed it to Meredith. "If she dies and you are sitting here when that happens I can't see you coming back from that. You have to come and say goodbye to your friend. And if she makes it, I know she would want you there. She would want both of us."  
Addison's pager went off. "So, you coming?"  
Cristina got up, paid her drink and followed Addison to the hospital.  
They found Derek, who had paged Addison, outside Meredith's room. "What's happening?" asked Addison, preparing herself for the worst.  
"Nothing new, but the Chief agreed to let you in. And you too, Cristina, if you want. Just...you can wait here for a couple of minutes and prepare yourself. Addie, please, I know this is hard, but please, try to be strong, ok?"  
Addison nodded and she sat down, with Cristina by her side.  
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." said Addison suddenly.  
Cristina looked at her without understanding. "Yesterday, in the OR...when you told me she's in love with me. I should have listened...maybe none of this would have happened."  
"Dr Montgomery, it's not your fault." Cristina wasn't good at girls talking, but she knew Addison needed someone to talk to and she was Meredith's person, the only one who could really understand the pain she was feeling.  
"Addison." sighed the attending. "I think it this situation it's ok for you to call me Addison. I know it's not my fault, but...I just...I should have listened to you. I love her, Cristina. I really do. And maybe I won't ever have the chance to tell her."  
Derek approached the two women and told them they could go in.  
"You will have the chance." said Cristina. "Meredith is strong, she's my person, she will be ok and you will tell her that you love her and you two will be a sickening happy couple annoying everyone around with your PDA!"  
Addison smiled to the intern and entered the room. Her smile died on her face when she saw Burke, Bailey and the Chief standing there doing nothing. So it was over, there was nothing left to do.  
Cristina went at the end of the bed and started rubbing Meredith's feet. They were so cold, she almost jumped for the shock. "Talk to her, Addison. Tell her. I believe in science, but sometimes, miracles do happen. I've never believed in the so-called power of love, but sometimes, people come back when they hear their beloved voice. So talk to her."  
Addison nodded and walked to the bed. She caressed Meredith's cold face and a tear escaped her eye. "Meredith...you can't do this to me. You have to live, Meredith, you have to come back. Please, don't leave me...I love you, Meredith, come back to me...please." Now she was sobbing.  
"Try again." whispered Cristina to Miranda and the Chief, still rubbing her friend's feet. "TRY AGAIN! Addison, keep talking."  
"Ok, one more round of ACLS drugs." sighed Miranda and the Chief nodded. "One more."  
"Meredith, come back, don't leave me! I can't do it without you!" repeated Addison. She didn't know if this could actually work, but now that she was there, holding Meredith's hand in hers, she couldn't stop. She didn't want to break down again, but it was so hard to pull it together when HER Meredith was lying there, lifeless. "I love you, Meredith, please, please...I need you to come back to me!"

-o-

"I was swimming, I was fighting." said Meredith, sitting in the desert hallway with Denny. "And then I thought, just for a second, I thought, what's the point. And then I let go, I stopped fighting. Don't tell anybody."  
Denny nodded. "Ok."  
They remained in silence for a while, and then Denny closed his eyes and smiled.  
"What?" asked Meredith.  
"Izzie." he whispered.  
"You can see her?" It would be cool if he did. So if Meredith was stuck there forever, she could still see Addison. HER Addison.  
"No." Denny crushed her hopes. "Sometimes we'll be in the same place at exactly the same time and...I can almost hear her voice. It's like I'm touching her. I like to believe she knows I'm there. That's you get, that's it. Moments with the people you love and they'll move on and you'll want them to move on. But still, Meredith, that's all you get. Moments."  
Meredith started to cry, thinking about Addison moving on without her and not having the chance to be with her, to sleep by her side, to hold her hand and touch her, to see her smile again. "Is this really happening?" She couldn't believe she was really dying.  
"I don't know. This is your afterlife, not mine."  
Meredith looked up and Denny was gone. Suddenly, the water started to creep up around her and she had flashes over herself drowning. She got up and ran away, cause she couldn't live that once again.  
She entered the ER where she found Denny, Bonnie and Liz. "I don't wanna be here. I wanna go back."  
"We were told there wasn't a lot of time." said Bonnie, who wasn't bleeding anymore.  
"I'm out of time?" asked Meredith.  
"Well...we're not sure baby." said Liz.  
"Oh god!" Meredith started panicking. "I can't...I need to go back, please...I can't...I can't..." She couldn't stay there. She had to go back. To finish her residency with her friends, to be with Cristina, to tell Addison that she loved her. She needed to go back. "Oh, I can't...I can't breathe!"  
"This will pass." Bonnie seemed annoyed.  
"It won't. It feels like..." Meredith looked up and saw her mother walking through the hall. "Mom?"  
She walked into the hall with Denny and Ellis was at the other end.  
"Go! Go Meredith!" said Denny.  
She started walking.  
"You shouldn't be here." said Ellis when they stood in front of each other.  
"Neither should you."  
"Just keep going. Don't be a damn..." Ellis stopped talking and hugged her daughter. For the first time in years, she hugged her. "You are...you are anything but ordinary, Meredith."  
Meredith felt tears streaming down her cheeks and then she remembered when she first heard those words. Addison told her first. Addison had always believed in her. It was nice to hear those words from her mother. Maybe...maybe that afterlife wasn't that bad. An afterlife where her mother hugged her and was proud of her.  
"Now run! Run!" cried Ellis, but Meredith didn't move. Now she wasn't sure she wanted to go back.  
Suddenly, a voice filled the hall. A voice Meredith knew and loved. "Meredith...you can't do this to me. You have to live, Meredith, you have to come back. Please, don't leave me...I love you, Meredith, come back to me...please." It was Addison's voice...how was that possible? Denny said he couldn't really hear Izzie, so how come she could hear Addison? "Meredith, come back, don't leave me! I can't do it without you! I love you, Meredith, please, please...I need you to come back to me!"  
"Meredith, run!" said Ellis once again. "She's waiting for you, she loves you! Run!"  
Meredith looked at her mother once more, then she turned away and started running, till she saw a flash of light.  
"We got a heartbeat!" it was Bailey's voice that Meredith heard after the flash of light.  
"Oh my god!" Addison. This was Addison.  
"We got it!" said Burke checking her pulse.  
"Meredith!" Addison was crying again, but this time her tears were nothing but joyful.  
Meredith couldn't open her eyes yet, but she knew she just came back.

-o-

"She's been down a long time. Do we know the brain function yet?" Addison asked Bailey when she finally stopped crying. She knew there was a chance Meredith could suffer from severe brain damages.  
Bailey shook her head. "We don't know. I will page Shepherd right away."  
Addison nodded. Bailey left the room, leaving Addison and Cristina alone with Meredith.  
Cristina was still touching Meredith's feet, when she tried to talk.  
"Did you just say something? Did you just speak?" asked Cristina, moving at Meredith's side and touching her face. Addison went on the other side, holding her breath.  
"Ok, Mer, I don't understand you. Try...try again...try again for me, ok?" Meredith was trying to speak but she couldn't form a word. "What...I...I can't? Please, please don't be. Your brain works, ok? So all you need to do is form a word, please."  
"Addison..." whispered Meredith and both the women in the room smiled.  
"Oh god!" cried Cristina. Meredith opened her eyes. "Oh, hi! I'm getting married to Burke! Not that, that should be anywhere on your list of thought right now. But just in case you slip on the hall later or...You are the one person I wanted to tell. Thank you for not dying. Sorry, I...I leave you to your girl now."  
Cristina stepped back and Addison took Meredith's hand in hers. They looked in the eyes for a while and smiled. No words were necessary, not in that moment.  
After Burke had checked her vitals, Meredith was transferred to another room.  
She was resting, when Addison came in.  
"Hey" she said softly.  
Meredith smiled. "Hey."  
Addison sat near Meredith and took her hand once again.  
"My mother's dead, isn't she?" asked Meredith.  
Addison nodded. "Yes."  
"It's ok, I think." sighed the intern. "I think it's ok."  
"Meredith..." started Addison. There was so much she wanted to say, now that she knew everything could change in a moment.  
But Meredith stopped her. "It's the way you say my name...it...I don't know, it makes me feel warm...inside...and I know it sounds cheesy but that's how it is."  
Addison looked at Meredith confused.  
"So when I heard your voice, calling my name and begging me not to leave you...I knew..." continued Meredith. "I knew I had to come back to you. And I did, I came back for you, Addison. I'm here, I'm alive, only thanks to you. And look, I know that what happened between us probably freaked you out and I'm sorry..."  
"Shh, let's not talk about this now." whispered Addison, caressing Meredith's cheek. "I'm glad you're alive,

Meredith...I don't even want to think of what would have happened if you didn't come back. And I know there's a lot we have to talk about but...you need to rest now. We can talk later, or tomorrow, or any other day. It's not important now. What's important is that you're here and you're ok."  
Meredith nodded and they stayed in silence for a while.  
It was Meredith who broke the silence. "I stopped swimming."  
"Uh?" asked Addison.  
"I fell in the water and I tried to swim, Addison, I swear, I tried. But it was too hard, it was too cold...and for a moment I thought that there was no point in fighting. My mom never wanted me...and she thinks...thought, she's dead now...she thought I was a failure, an ordinary person. She had no faith in me. And maybe she was right...maybe I will never be the surgeon I wanna be, the person I wanna be. So I stopped fighting...it was just a moment and then I thought of you...you have faith in me, you believe that I'm gonna be great. So I tried to swim again but it was too late and before I knew, I passed out. It was my fault, cause I gave up for a second and I'm sorry, Addison, I'm so sorry."  
"Why are you apologizing to me?" smiled the attending. It was so typically Meredith. She almost died and she was apologizing.  
"Because for a second, for a brief moment, I forgot that you're worth the fight."  
The two women stared in each other's eyes and both felt a shiver through their spines. Addison was the first to look away.  
"Meredith, you need to rest. Sleep for a while and then, when you're better, we can talk about everything, ok?"  
"Ok...but Addison...will you be here when I wake up?" asked Meredith hopefully.  
"Of course I'll be here." whispered Addison, squeezing the intern's hand. "I'm not leaving you, Meredith. Not now, not ever."

-o-

**AN2**: Well, that's it. What do you think? I want to know if you liked the Addie/Cristina moment…I've been thinking about it for a while and I realized no one ever writes about them bonding. I thought this was the perfect moment. Let me know what you think.


	15. Can you feel this magic in the air?

**AN**: Ok this chapter is quite short but I kinda have the impression you're gonna like it! :P It's dedicated to Clai cause she came out to her parents a couple of days ago. Congratulations honey!  
I haven't much to say about this chapter, so enjoy it and please, review.

DISCLAIMER: I'm basically putting the disclaimer just cause I have fun saying that I wish I owned Kate Walsh! lol

**CHAPTER 15 – Can you feel this magic in the air?**

"MEREDITH GREY!" Addison's tone was so authoritary that Meredith jumped and hurried herself hiding something under the covers. "Please tell me that what I've heard isn't true!"  
"It isn't true!" replied Meredith simply. She could easily imagine what pissed Addison off and her tactic was denial.  
"Oh really?" said Addison sarcastically. She wasn't mad for real, she just wanted to play with Meredith. "So why don't you show me what you have under the covers."  
"You wish..." smirked Meredith teasing the redhead.  
Addison blushed. It was two days after Meredith's accident and they hadn't talked about the kiss and their feelings yet. So she changed the subject because she knew it wasn't the right time and the right place to talk about it.  
"You have a patient chart hidden under the covers." stated the attending. "A chart that Cristina stole for you."  
"Well, at least I don't get up and sneak into a patient's room like Cristina did after her miscarriage." pouted the intern. "I'm bored, Addison!"  
Addison sighed. "I know, Mer...but you know we can't discharge you yet. A couple of more days, I promise. Besides, you know I'm trying to stay here with you every time I have a free moment, and when I'm not here your friends come to visit you. So please, just rest and be good. Ok? And give me back the chart."  
"Fine." snorted Meredith, handing the chart to Addison. "It's just...there's nothing to do here. Now I understand why our patients always complain. There's not even cable tv here. You are so changing that when you're Chief."  
"Meredith...I don't think I'll ever be Chief." said Addison sadly.  
Meredith looked at her confused. "Why? What happened?"  
"When you drowned..." started Addison, shivering at the memory. "Richard worked hard to bring you back. He was there and he acted as a doctor and as a Chief. But I...I broke down, Meredith...I had a panic attack, I cried and screamed and they had to take me out the room cause I was a mess. A good Chief would be professional all the time, not a feelings-driven mess. I don't think I will ever get that job. Not after what happened."  
"This is bullshit!" shouted Meredith, making the nurse who was walking outside the room jump. "Come on Addie, you can't really think that. Of course you were upset, you saw me almost dying. The Chief and Bailey and Burke care about me but we're not that close. What do you think the Chief would do if it was his wife in there? He would have been shocked just like you were. So don't worry, I'm sure Dr Webber won't hold it against you."  
"I hope so." sighed Addison. "I have to go now, I have to check on Jane Doe. See you later...and be good!"  
The redhead leaned in to kiss Meredith on the cheek and then left the room. Meredith sighed. Addison was acting exactely like she used to before the kiss, before the accident. Meredith was starting to think that the words she heard in her "afterlife" were only just a dream. She knew they needed to talk but it never seemed the right moment. There was always someone around. Guess she had to wait until she was discharged.  
Thank god Cristina arrived to save Meredith from her thoughts and boredom.  
"So? What do you think about the chart I gave you?" asked.  
"Addison found out and took it away from me." pouted Meredith. "Now I'm here with just this crappy TV. I'm bored."  
"Why isn't your girlfriend here to entertain you? smirked the dark haired intern.  
"She's..." stuttered Meredith. "She's not my girlfriend."  
"What?" shouted Cristina. "Come on, Meredith, be serious."  
"I am serious Cristina. She's not my girlfriend." said Meredith disappointed.  
"Ok, so...what do you call her? Partner, lesbian lover, the Bette to your Tina...cause let's face it, she's way bossier than you so she's definitely Bette." went on Cristina, laughing a little cause she didn't know why she just came up with a "The L Word" reference.  
But Meredith shook her head.  
"Are you seriously saying that you two aren't together yet?"  
Meredith shook her head again. "No. Just friends."  
"Are you two stupid?" asked Cristina. "Meredith, you kissed her, you've been pining over her for months...and she kissed you back and she loves you, for god's sake. She told you she loves you."  
"While I was unconscious. It doesn't count." added Meredith.  
"Whatever, she loves you anyway so why don't you just get it over with?" sighed Cristina exasperated. "You two are driving the whole hospital crazy, you know that? Everyone knows, everyone's ok with this so why don't you two stop be chickens and finally become a couple?"  
"Everyone's know? Derek...Mark...they know?" asked Meredith terrified. She couldn't imagine how they would react.  
Cristina nodded. "It was impossible not to know, considering Satan's reaction. She was a mess, Meredith, she lost it...she started screaming and crying and she broke down on the floor sobbing and it was Shepherd who was there for her. And Sloan, but mostly Derek."  
"Oh my god!" panted Meredith. "They're gonna kill me. Well, Mark's gonna kill me, Derek...Derek will probably kill her. This is so messed up...we can't...this is so wrong! And I don't even know what this is, we're not together, we're not just friends...and her exes know and..."  
"MEREDITH!" Cristina interrupted her. "Stop rambling. God, I didn't know you were suck a coward. So what if McDreamy and McSteamy know? What if they're mad? This is not your problem. Just get it over with. Unless you want to join their club."  
"What club?" asked Meredith.  
"The club with the people who were stupid enough to let Addison go."  
"Wow Cristina." said Meredith. "I never thought you liked Addison."  
"Yeah well...she's cool. She was the one who convinced me to come back here and stay with you while you were dead. So yes, I guess I like her. We're not friends, I just...I think she's a great person, Meredith, and you're too and you deserve to be happy." Cristina got up from the chair, about to leave the room to go back to work. "Now I'm done with this emotional crap, I'm a surgeon, I have lives to save."  
Meredith laughed and waved her goodbye. Before she left the room, Cristina turned around. "Seriously, Meredith...don't let her go."

-o-

Meanwhile Addison was having a very similar conversation with Callie, who approached her at the nurse station.  
"So, how's your girlfriend doing?" asked the resident, only to receive a raised eyebrow as reply.  
"She's not my girlfriend. She's fine, though, bored, but fine."  
"Come on, Addison, do you seriously think I'm believe that after everything that happened between the two of you, you're not together by now?"  
Addison shrugged. "We're not."  
"I...god Addison, what's wrong with you? The girl loves you, she told you she came back from the dead for you. And you love her, so what are you waiting for?"  
"Well, first of all, that she's not in an hospital bed. And...I don't know, Callie. What if we're wrong? What if we're just confused and alone and we find comfort in each other but we're not in love? I..." sighed Addison.  
"You are just scared, honey." interrupted Callie. "You're scared she will hurt you like Derek and Mark did. But she's not Derek and Mark. She's Meredith. And ok, from what I've heard she has some commitment issues, but give her a chance. Tell me something...how many guys she slept with since you two started to become this close?"  
"I don't know...I think none. Or at least she never told me about anyone." replied Addison.  
"See? She loves you, and she's been faithful to you since she started feeling something for you, even if you're not together, so please, stop worrying and get it over with."  
"Callie...it's not so easy..." sighed Addison.  
"No, Addison, you are making it complicated. It's pretty easy from my point of view. You love her, she loves you, so please, stop dancing around each other and driving us crazy!"  
Addison didn't reply. She remained quiet, lost in her thoughts. "I have to talk to Derek." she said suddently. "And to Mark. I...I...they're gonna kill us."  
Callie rolled her eyes. "Whatever Addie, as long as you talk to Meredith too. I'm tired of your lesbian drama!"  
Addison gave her friend her best "Satan's gaze" and left, looking for Mark and Derek.  
In that moment, Cristina approached Callie. "How can we manage to be best friends with those two idiots?" asked the intern.  
"I have no idea." sighed Callie, then she went back to work.

-o-

Addison had managed to find Mark and Derek in the cafeteria and she was a little surprised to see them talking and laughing together.  
"What's going on?" she asked approaching them.  
"We're just having lunch." stated Derek, pointing at the food.  
"Together? What...when?" Addison was confused. A couple of days before they were barely talking to each other, only for work-related stuff and now they were having lunch together? So weird.  
"While you were busy worrying for Meredith and taking care of your Jane Doe, Derek decided that I can be his best friend again." explained Mark.  
"I said friends, Mark, not best friends. Remember?" Derek corrected him.  
"Like you have someone else as a best friend." teased Mark.  
"Ok, enough!" Addison interrupted them. "You two sound like an old gay couple!"  
"Hey!" they both exclaimed and then the three of the started laughing.  
It was nice to see that they could go back to how they were before the whole affair thing happened. And even before the marriage happened. They felt like they were back in Med School. Just three friends, having fun together.  
"Speaking of couple." said Mark when they stopped laughing. "How's it going with Meredith?"  
Addison's eyes went wide. "You...you know?"  
Mark and Derek both nodded. "How?" asked Addison.  
"Addie, it was impossible not to know, considering how you reacted when you saw her lying there."  
Addison blushed and felt like she was starting to panic.  
"It's okay, Addie, we're both okay with this." said Derek to calm her down, because she knew Addison and she knew she was worried they were going to react badly.  
"You are?" asked the redhead in disbelief.  
"Yeah...I mean, it's hard, you know? It's hard for me to think that you and I will never had another chance...but I want you to be happy, Addie, and if Meredith makes you happy then it's fine by me." said Mark, putting an hand on Addison's shoulder.  
Addison smiled gratefully and turned to Derek. "What about you? Aren't you upset that Meredith and I could end up together? You're in love with her..."  
Derek shook his head. "No Addie, I'm not. I thought I was, but I realized it was just some sort of crush...I met her when I needed some fresh air, because I was mad and hurt and she was that fresh air. But this is not love. And as Mark said, I just want you two to be happy because I deeply care about both of you, so yes, I'm okay."  
Addison couldn't be happier. One of the things holding her back was the fear of losing her renewed friendship with the two most important men of her life and now they were there, telling her that they were perfectly fine with her and Meredith being together.  
It was time to get a grip and act on her feelings. But not now, not while Meredith was still in the hospital. "When she's discharged" thought Addison. "I will talk to her as soon as she's home."

-o-

They were lying under the covers together, as usual. It was the first night Meredith spent away from the hospital since the accident and they decided to sleep in Addison's room. Meredith still had a couple of days off and Addison asked the Chief to give her some time off as well to make sure Meredith was fully recovering, so the hotel seemed to be the better choice: room service and no one going around the house at 5 am because they had to go to work.  
So they were lying in Addison's king size bed, their bodies entwined and their hands soflty caressing each other's body. In the dark, they could only see each other's profiles. None of them was saying a word.

Even if she would never admit it, Addison was still scared to death. Scared that she could lose Meredith anytime, just like it happened a few days before. So she wanted to remain in silence, listening to Meredith's heartbeat to be sure she was still alive. The moment was so perfect, she didn't want to think about those painful minutes in which she had thought she had lost Meredith forever. She pressed her body closer to the intern's, who hold her tight.  
They both couldn't sleep. Meredith was so intoxicated by Addison's parfume, she couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. She didn't want to fall asleep, she just wanted to stay there, caressing Addison's perfect body.  
Despite all the pushing coming from their friends, they hadn't talked about their conversation at the hospital yet, nor about the kiss they shared the previous week. They were both afraid something could break if they did talk about it. It was so perfect that way. Just Meredith and Addison, no labels, no complications. They both were aware of their feelings toward the other, but they couldn't bring themselves to confess them. Even if, after the events of that fateful day, those feelings were pretty clear. But talking about them, giving them a name...it was too complicated. Meredith was still recovering from her near death experience, her almost suicide attempt, when for a moment she stopped fighting and let the water bring her down. It was too soon to think about anything else.  
So there they were, in Addison's hotel room, in the dark, in silence. Their hands never stopped caressing each other, maybe both hoping that that sweet gesture could make the other fall asleep.  
Addison's hand wandered along Meredith's arm and for a brief moment, it touched softly Meredith's breast. The younger woman shivered. That simple touch had been enough to awake all Meredith's feelings for the redhead. She let her hand slip on Addison's tummy, touching in painfully slowly. Now it was Addison's turn to shiver.  
They both knew they couldn't resist much longer. The tension between them was too thick. They were breathing heavily and their heartbeats increased. It was too much for them to bear.  
As their hands never stopped moving, and finally their heads leaned in to each other till their lips touched. It was soft at first, just a small peck, but then their lips met again and this time the kiss was hungrier, full of passion.  
Addison's tongue ran over Meredith's bottom lips, to ask for access. Meredith parted her lips and Addison's tongue entered her mouth. As their tongues were dancing together, Meredith climbed on top of Addison and suddenly she remembered the conversation she had with Cristina a few months before, when the dark haired intern said that she had always pictured Addison to be the one on top. Meredith smirked. The feeling of having Addison's body under her turned Meredith on even more. She wasn't sure she was doing the right thing, she wasn't sure Addison wanted the same thing she wanted, but now she couldn't stop. She wanted Addison, she wanted her so badly it almost hurt. So, she grabbed Addison's top and slowly removed it, exposing the attending's perfect breasts. Addison gulped for a second, but she kept on kissing Meredith.  
The young intern broke the kiss and put her mouth on Addison's right breast, kissing and licking it. Addison let out a soft moan and Meredith thought she could die. Hearing Addison's pleasure was without any doubt the most beautiful sound in the world. It was magical, it was like a poem or a song. Just one moan, and Meredith thought she would never be able to hear something else ever again. "Addison must be a goddess" thought Meredith, cause that sound could only be something divine. She licked Addison's nipple, till the red head stopped her, cupped her face and kissed her hard. Then Addison removed Meredith's t-shirt, throwing it somewhere in the room, and started giving Meredith's breast the same treatment she had just received. Meredith panted as she felt Addison's tongue on her nipple. Never, in all her life, someone had touched her and licked her in that way. It seemed like Addison was born to give her pleasure.  
When Meredith felt she couldn't hold on any longer, she removed Addison's pants and string and Addison did the same with Meredith's panties. There was no going back now.  
Their hands moved in synch, reaching each other's wetness. They started to massage their clits slowly and hey both moaned loudly. Addison was the first one to slip two fingers in Meredith. The younger woman almost screamed. She felt like she had been incomplete for all her life and now finally, with Addison inside of her, she was becoming a whole. Addison's fingers pumped into Meredith, as Meredith kept on drawing circles around Addison's clit.  
Not a word was spoken between them, all that could be heard in the room was their loud moans and the rumor of Addison's finger going in and out of Meredith.  
Meredith was closing to the edge, so she slid her finger into Addison's wetness. The redhead moaned loudly.

They kissed hungrly, their tongues were battling as they were close to the increased the pace and soon they came together loudly, almost screaming.  
The room smelled like sex, sweat and their parfumes mixed together. Their bodies were shaking as they were coming down from their high.  
They both wanted to say something, but they didn't want to break the magic of that moment, so they remained in silence and after a few minutes they both fell asleep, naked, in each other's arms.

-o-

When Addison woke up, she felt Meredith's naked body pressed against her and the memories of the previous night started to come in her mind. She blushed. It had been the most amazing experience of her life and even if she was scared of what would happen that morning between them, she felt happier than she had ever been. She managed to free herself from Meredith's grip and she went to the bathroom.  
A few minutes later, she heard Meredith's voice calling her name. Addison entered the room and found Meredith awake, sitting on the bed, the covers around her chest.  
"Come here." ordered the intern and Addison slid under the covers, immediatly captured by Meredith's arms.  
"I woke up and you weren't here...and it was so awful...I can't explain...I felt lost..." murmured Meredith, stroking soflty Addison's hair.  
Addison smiled. "Sorry, I needed to use the bathroom."  
Meredith nodded and they stayed there in silence, hugging each other.  
"Meredith...was it a dream?" asked Addison and Meredith felt like she could cry because of the sweetness in Addison's voice.  
"If you were dreaming..." whispered Meredith in Addison's ear. "We were having the same dream."  
Addison's face lit up in a beautiful smile. So it was true. And from the look on Meredith's face, Addison could tell that the intern was as happy as she was.  
Addison leaned in to kiss Meredith and shortly they were making love again. Well, if it was a dream, neither of them ever wanted to wake up.

-o-

**AN2**: That's it. It was about time! I hope you liked it. Just so you know, I practically wrote down my first time, so if you didn't like it…well blame it on my first girlfriend! :P review!


	16. You're the love I wanna be in

**AN**: Sorry it took me longer than usual to update this time. I guess I wasn't really inspired, but here I am now.  
I'm not really sure about this chapter…now that all the tension is gone and they are finally together, I find it harder to write. I'm not good in writing happy and fluffy stuff, I'm more of a tragedy kind of girl :P  
Anyway, let me know what you, think, as usual. Reviews make me happy and inspire me to write faster.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I still do not own anything.

**CHAPTER 16 – You're the love I wanna be in**

Meredith was trying hard to catch her breath. Everything around her was blurry and she could only hear her heart pounding in her chest.  
She never thought it was possible to come so many times in just one morning. She never thought it was possible to come THAT hard. She had never, in her entire life, experienced something like that. Addison was a sex machine. She never stopped. She could go on for hours without stopping, making Meredith come six, seven times in a row. The younger woman was seeing fireworks. The things that Addison was doing to her with her fingers and tongue...Meredith wasn't able to describe them.  
Their first time had been slow and sweet and gentle, but now everything was different. Not that Meredith was complaining.  
She came for what she believed it was the seventh time that morning, when finally Addison removed her fingers and her mouth from Meredith's center and came up, kissing Meredith softly on her lips.  
"Breathe, Meredith." she whispered, laughing a little.  
The intern smiled and took a couple of deep breaths, her heart was finally starting to slow down.  
"That..." she panted. "That was amazing! You are a sex goddess, Addison!"  
"Oh, trust me, I can do so much better!" smirked the redhead.  
They remained silent for a couple of minutes, allowing Meredith to regain her strength. It was Addison who broke the silence. "I think we should talk now."  
Meredith nodded, worried. She had feared that moment since the previous night. "But before you say anything, before you say that you had a good time but this was just a one time thing and that we should go back being friends, I need to tell you something...something that I should have told you a long time before...I love you, Addison! I'm in love with you, and maybe you don't want all of this, but I need you to know and I need you in my life, so please Addison, please...don't leave me, keep on being my friend..."  
Addison didn't know what to say. It was so typically Meredith, rambling without allowing her to say something first. "Meredith..." she sighed."I don't want to be your friend." When she saw the look on Meredith's face, she added "I don't wanna be JUST friends. I wanna be with you. I love you, Meredith. I told you when you were unconscious but I know you heard it, but I'm telling you again. I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love like a teenager, but also like I've never been in my whole life. That thing with Mark...I was still a little shocked for the whole toxic patient case...and things between us were complicated...I was confused, I didn't know how I felt about you and how you felt about me...and Mark told me he loved me, and..."  
"Addison!" Meredith interrupted her. "You don't have to apologize. I am the one who should apologize once again for what I said to you that night. I was jealous, I saw you with Mark and I freaked out because I love you, but you did nothing wrong. We weren't together, so you did nothing wrong."  
"But we are now, right?" asked Addison. "Together, I mean..."  
Meredith smiled. "You tell me. Addison Montgomery, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"  
"Yes!" exclaimed Addison, throwing herself on Meredith, pushing her down on the mattress again and kissing her. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!"  
They kissed hungrily then Meredith pulled away. "My turn now!" she whispered, flipping them over so that she was on top.  
Meredith kissed Addison's neck and went down until her mouth was on the attending's left breast. Addison moaned when she felt Meredith's mouth taking in her nipple. "Oh, God!"  
"I want to taste you..." said Meredith while her mouth was moving down Addison's body.  
"Then taste me..." moaned the redhead.  
Meredith smiled and continued her journey along Addison's body. She kissed around her belly and on her thighs, stopping for a few moments to stare at Addison's perfect legs. "You are so beautiful, Addison." she whispered, placing another kiss on the inside of the redhead's thigh.  
"Mer...please..." beg Addison. She wasn't one to beg, but she needed to feel Meredith's mouth licking her, she needed to come.  
Meredith didn't waste any more time, she placed herself between Addison's legs and she licked slowly Addison's wet core, making the other woman moan loudly.  
"Mmm...you taste so good..." said the intern, pushing her tongue inside Addison.  
It was true, Addison taste was amazing...so much better than any guy she ever had. She wondered why she wasted so many years with guys when it was obvious that a girl was so much better.  
She took Addison's clit in her mouth, sucking it and slipping a finger inside Addison, who groaned.  
"Meredith...more...please...fuck me harder...faster..." panted Addison, so Meredith added two more fingers and started pushing harder inside the other woman.  
Meredith never thought Addison could be that loud. She was almost screaming and she was getting louder as she was approaching to the orgasm. Meredith increased the pace of her fingers, curling them inside Addison and soon the redhead was screaming Meredith's name, as she came. Meredith was sure the whole hotel had heard her, but she didn't care. In that moment, nothing was important...there was only Addison.

-o-

They didn't get much sleep that night. It seemed like it was impossible for them to keep their hands off each other.  
A couple of days later, after Ellis's funeral, Meredith was finally allowed to go back to work, so the two women arrived at the hospital together, holding their hands.  
"Do you think we should talk to our friends about us?" asked Meredith before entering the hospital.  
"I think they already know. At least Callie, Mark and Derek do. And I believe Cristina knows too. Oh shit...Bailey and Richard where in the room when I declared my love for you...maybe we should talk to them...you know...we should tell them that we will be professional about this and all this kind of stuff..."  
Meredith nodded. "I think I should tell Alex...he...he has a thing for you, I want to be sure he's ok with this."  
"I know" sighed Addison. "Do you want me to tell him?"  
"No." Meredith shook her head. "I'll do it. And I'll talk to Izzie and George too. Are you sure Mark and Derek are cool?"  
"Yeah, we had an interesting conversation about this. Don't worry, they won't kill you!"  
Meredith laughed and together the two women entered the hospital.  
"Well, I should go, find Bailey and Richard before rounds. Take it easy today, ok? I'll see you at lunch if I can." said Addison, kissing softly Meredith when she reached her floor.  
Meredith nodded and hurried herself to the interns' locker room. She knew her friends were going to ask her a lot of questions and she wanted to face them as soon as possible.

-o-

Addison found Bailey in the residents' locker room and asked to come with her to the Chief's office.  
"So, what do you want to talk about, Addison?" asked Richard when they sat down in the office.  
Addison was nervous. Sure, Miranda and Richard were in the room when Addison told an unconscious Meredith that she loved her, but telling them that they were together was a completely different thing. She sighed. "See...Meredith and I...we...we are together...like a couple...I thought...I thought you should know."  
"Well…we kinda imagined it. After we saw you in that trauma room." said the Chief, and Bailey nodded. "I just didn't think it was this serious…because it is serious, isn't it, Addison? You wouldn't have come to us if it wasn't."  
"It is." confirmed Addison. "It's very serious, Richard. I love her, she loves me. We're in this for the long run."  
"I'm happy for you, Addie!" smiled Richard hugging her. "You know you're like a daughter to me…and she…well, she kinda is too, so…I couldn't be happier."  
Addison hugged Richard and then turned to Miranda. "What do you think?"  
Miranda sighed. "As your friend, I'm happy for you. As a resident, I'm a little disappointed to see that another one of my interns is having a relationship with her boss. But as long as you treat her like the others when you're here, I don't have anything to say."  
"Don't worry, Miranda, you know I'm not that kind of person." Addison reassured her. "Besides, Meredith is not really interested in neo-natal, so I don't think we will have any problem."  
Addison smiled and thanked them both, before leaving the office. Now she was ready to go through the day, hoping that Meredith's friends would be ok with their relationship. She saw how Izzie reacted to the news that George married Callie and she was giving the resident a hard time. She hoped the blond intern won't do the same to her.

-o-

Meredith caught Alex on her way to the locker room. "Hey Alex, can I talk to you for a sec?"  
He nodded. "What's up?"  
"Look, I wanted to say this to you before telling to the others because I know you have a thing for Addison…see, Addison and I have been having feelings for each other for a while and…after I drowned all these feelings came out and…we're together now. I'm sorry if this hurts you in any way, and I hope it won't change anything between us…or between you and her, cause she told me that you're friends now…but I really love her, Alex, I hope you understand that. I just want you to know that."  
"Meredith, it's ok. I know she loves you." replied Alex. "When I asked her out she told me she had feelings for someone else and at first I thought it was Sloan but then I realized it was you. I'm fine with it, Addison and I are friends, she's a wonderful woman and I like hanging out with her. So don't worry about me. Just…make her happy, ok? She deserves it, after all the crap she got by Shepherd and Sloan…and you deserve it too."  
"You're a great guy, Alex, you know that?" said Meredith with a smile.  
Alex returned the smile and together walked into the locker room, where the other interns were already changing.  
"Hey Mer." George greeted her. "How you doing?"  
Meredith looked at her friends. "Ok, everybody, let's do this once. I'm fine. She's cremated, I picked out a beautiful urn and she's hanging out in the back of my closet. Any more questions about my dead mother?" The interns shook their heads. "Ok, moving on…Addison and I are a couple now, we're in love, it's serious, I'm happy, we're not planning to keep this a secret so you will hear a lot of nurse gossip about this. Anybody has a problem with that?" They shook their heads again. "Cool, let's get to work, then."  
"Does anyone know who the new chief candidate is?" asked Cristina to change the subject.  
"Chief's bringing in a ringer in case he doesn't want to give the job to either boyfriend." said George pointing to Cristina. "Or your girlfriend." continued looking at Meredith.  
In that moment, Bailey entered the room. "O'Malley, you're with Shepherd today. Yang, Dr. Montgomery. Stevens, to the clinic. Karev, Jane Doe. Grey, scut."  
"Once again, I'm fine." protested Meredith. She had been away from the OR for too long and she missed it.  
"You can tell everybody your fine till your blue in the face. Your mom died and you almost joined her, you're taking it easy." said Bailey in her usual "Nazi tone".  
Meredith pouted but she knew it was pointless to discuss with Bailey.  
Being an orphan and almost drowning sucked!

-o-

Later that day, Meredith was walking down the hallway when Mark and Derek approached her.  
"Dr. Grey!" said the two men simultaneously.  
"Dr. Shepherd, Dr Sloan." replied Meredith amused by the fact that they called her Dr Grey and not Meredith, as they used to.  
"Can we talk to you?" asked Mark. Meredith nodded and she followed the two doctors in an empty exam room.  
"Look, there's no nice way to say that so let's just rip the band-aid off. You're with Addison now, she loves you, you love her and you're happy. But be careful, Meredith, don't break her heart, cause if you do, we don't care if you're a girl, we still kick your ass!" said Derek.  
"Yeah, cause that makes sense." grinned Meredith sarcastically. "You two really have a say in this. You." she pointed at Derek. "You ignored her for years, you preferred being in surgeries than being with your wife and when she came here you pretended to be willing to fix your marriage but you treated her like crap. And you." her attention went to Mark. "You pushed her to cheat on her husband, your best friend, and then you cheated on her with a random peds-nurse cause you're a manwhore who can't keep it in his pants."  
"Meredith." sighed Mark. "We made a lot of mistakes with Addison, and we know it. But we both love her and we know that she deserves to be happy. And we know that you could make her happy, so please, don't screw this up like we did...she's an amazing woman and she doesn't need any more pain."  
"I know." smiled the intern. "I know she's amazing, that's why I love her. I really am in love with her, guys, and I'll do my best not to screw this up. I promise. So...friends?"  
The two attendings nodded. "Friends."  
Meanwhile Cristina must have had the same idea Mark and Derek had. She was at Addison's service that day and she caught the opportunity to talk to her.  
"Meredith told me about you. I know that, even if we kind of bonded when Meredith drowned, we're not friends, but she's my person and I have to say this, I don't care if you're my boss. I'm not talking to Dr Montgomery, my boss, now…I'm talking to Addison, my person's girlfriend. You break her heart, I break your face. Got it?"  
Addison nodded amused. Cristina could play tough as long as she wanted, but she knew the intern had a soft spot for Meredith. "Don't worry, Yang. I'm not planning to break her heart. On the contrary, I'm planning to take care of her heart for a very long time."  
"Fine by me. As long as we're clear that I've got her back." said Cristina shrugging, ready to go back to work.

-o-

Meredith saw Addison coming out her office, so she hurried to reach her. She grabbed the redhead wrist and pushed her back inside the office, closing the door and kissing her hungrily.  
"God, I needed that." she panted when their lips parted. "You have no idea what kind of day I'm having."  
"Trust me, if it's half as bad as mine, I think I have." replied Addison, holding Meredith tight in her arms. "There's a new candidate chief. Richard brought here Colin Marlow. Colin freaking Marlow. I will never have that job."  
"Addison, relax. Having him here doesn't mean you're off the game. The Chief is just…considering his options. And besides, even if you don't become chief, you will still be the greatest neo-natal surgeon in the world. Isn't it enough?"  
Addison sighed. "I guess."  
"Oh, by the way…Cristina slept with him." added Meredith amused.  
"Cristina slept with who?" asked Addison confused.  
"Marlow. He was her professor at Stanford and apparently, he was much more than that."  
"No way!" laughed Addison. "Speaking of Cristina…she threatened me."  
"She what?"  
"I think her exact words were 'You break her heart, I break your face'." explained Addison.  
Meredith laughed. "Oh, I had a similar conversation with Mark and Derek. They told me that if I break your heart, they would kick my ass, even if I'm a girl. Guess our friends are really looking after us."  
"Guess so. Now, how come you're having a horrible day?" asked Addison, remembering her girlfriend words.  
"Everyone is looking at me like I might start to freak out for my mother's death any moment. And I just agreed to have dinner at my father's house, tonight. My father and Susan are here, by the way. How can I have a meal at my father's house?" rambled Meredith in her usual way.  
"Have dinner at your house." suggested Addison. "It's your place, you'll be more at ease. And I'll come, if you want. I'll be your wing woman and it will be fine."  
Meredith nodded and kissed Addison. "Have I told you lately how amazing you are?"  
"Uhm…a couple of times while we were doing dirty things last night, I believe." grinned Addison between her girlfriend's lips. "But it's nice to hear it again."  
"In this case…" whispered Meredith, pushing Addison against the desk and sliding her hand under her scrubs top. "I might show you how amazing you are in the same way as last night."  
Addison groaned and crashed her lips against Meredith's. "This is insane." said when they parted. "We're acting like horny teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other."  
"Are you complaining?" asked Meredith, cupping Addison's breast and massaging it slowly.  
The red head shook her head. She wasn't complaining at all. She took off her top and let Meredith unclasp her bra. The intern's mouth immediately found Addison's hard nipple, sucking it and making the older woman moan. In the meantime, Meredith's hands were busy finding their way in Addison's panties.  
"Wow, what an honor Dr Montgomery, having you so wet for me." grinned Meredith, her finger tracing Addison's walls.  
"Shut up and fuck me!" panted Addison, who had lost all control feeling Meredith touching her.  
In a quick movement, Meredith freed Addison of both her scrubs pants and her underwear and now the attending was sitting completely naked on the desk.  
"God, Addison, your body is amazing. It drives me crazy." whispered Meredith, trailing kisses along the attending's body.  
Addison moaned loudly. "Shh baby, they can hear you outside." said Meredith, but Addison was now out of control, so Meredith came up and silenced her with her mouth.  
"Meredith…" moaned the redhead and Meredith new exactly what she wanted, so she slipped two fingers inside her girlfriend, who gasped and started rocking her hips against Meredith's hand.  
"Oh god…more, Meredith, please…" begged Addison.  
"You're such an animal!" laughed Meredith, adding one more finger and pumping them inside Addison harder.  
Addison tried hard not to scream, she cupped Meredith's face and kissed her harder to suffocate her loud moans. She was about to come, when her pager went off.  
"Shit!" she groaned, feeling suddenly empty as Meredith's finger left her body. "Shit! I have to go."  
Meredith licked her fingers clean, making Addison groan once again at the sight, and she passed the red head her bra. "I hate our job sometimes." she pouted. She had really wanted to make Addison come at least once. "Maybe we should quit. Leave Seattle and spend the rest of our days on a beach having sex. Being surgeons is not that great anyway. You have a trust fund and I have the money my mom left me. We don't need to work."  
Addison laughed. "Nice plan, we will discuss it later…for now, I have to go. I'll see you later." She kissed Meredith once again.  
"Well, I suppose I can wait until tonight then. You're worth it." said Meredith smiling.  
"You bet your smoking hot ass I am!" grinned Addison and hurried herself out of her office.  
Meredith sighed, aroused once again by her girlfriend's comment. How could she wait until that night to have Addison all for herself again? That woman was going to be her death.

-o-

Meredith and George were having lunch together and George was complaining about his recent discovery about his wife. "She's rich, totally rich. Boatloads of money."  
"George, that's fantastic!" said Meredith, not really understanding why George seemed so upset by that. "Addison's totally rich too and I find it fantastic."  
"No, it's...it's not fantastic." sighed George.  
Izzie walked up and joined them. "Cristina did Colin Marlow!"  
"Callie's rich." Replied Meredith, earning a death glare by George.  
"Don't talk to her about it."  
"Her? I'm sorry, I don't have a name anymore?" complained Izzie.  
"Don't tell anyone, those were my words." continued George, ignoring Izzie.  
"So? She's rich." shrugged the blonde. "Meredith's girlfriend's rich too. And I was rich before I gave all my money to Bailey's clinic."  
"Just shut up about it. Do you think that's possible?" snapped George, getting up and leaving.  
In that moment, Cristina reached the table and sat down.  
"Colin Marlow! Was it good? Was he good? Did he make you a better lovah?" Izzie teased her.  
Cristina gave her a dirty look. "Do you remember all the other times I've talked to you about my sex life?"  
Izzie shook her head. "No."  
"Exactly." stated Cristina.  
"Did I miss anything about her doing the old guy?" asked Alex sitting down with them.  
"She's not talking." said Izzie.  
"Oh, she'll talk." replied Alex confidently.  
"So, I was supposed to be back in the game today but instead I'm planning dinner for my father in my dead mother's house. I don't cook, how am I supposed to cook for them? Addison promised me to come, but she can't cook too." complained Meredith, not that interested in Cristina's past sex life.  
"I will make your stupid dinner, so you and your girlfriend can relax." said Izzie and then turned once again her attention to Cristina. So, were there any little blue pills involved? Or, is he untouched by time?"  
"Dude, that's just wrong, don't answer that." laughed Alex.  
"Why you keep naming my girlfriend in your sentences? Is it a problem for you?" asked Meredith, having noticed that it was the second time in a few minutes that Izzie had said something about Addison. "Do you feel the need to point out that Addison's my girlfriend every five minutes? Or you just enjoy saying it?"  
"You brought her up in the conversation. You said that she can't cook either." explained Izzie. Besides, you two are the new hospital gossip so deal with it. You, and Cristina doing Marlow. Come on, Cristina, he's not a young man. He wasn't getting a little help? Poppin' the pill? Dad's best friend? Come on, you're gonna give me nothing, after everything we've been through? Nothing?"  
"It's a miracle drug." shrugged Cristina and then looked at Alex. "And someday it'll save your life."  
"It's so good to be hospital gossip." sighed Meredith, giving Cristina a sympathetic look.

-o-

Meredith and Addison were having dinner with Thatcher and Susan. Meredith walked into the kitchen to grab the food.  
"This is ready. Don't slosh it around, it's all about the presentation." Said Izzie handing the plate to Meredith.  
"Come in and eat with us." begged Meredith. Even if Addison was there with her, she wasn't comfortable with her father and Susan and maybe one more person at the table would help the conversation. "I introduced Addison to them as my girlfriend and we talked about it. We talked hospital, we talked his research, we talked dead mother. I'm out."  
"Ask about the baby, ask if it poos, people can go on about that for hours. Besides, Addison was Molly's doctor so I believe they can start a conversation." suggested Izzie.  
Meredith sighed and went back to the dining room. "So, how's the baby?"  
"Great!" answered Susan.  
"She's smiling now sometimes." Added Thatcher. "Looks exactly like Molly when she smiles. I mean it's amazing. I've got this old picture of Molly and me when she was, I don't know, 5 and she's sitting on this red sled in the snow, this great big fir tree.  
"You know, I'm not sure that that..." Susan tried to say, but Thatcher interrupted her.  
"Yeah, no honey, it's a massive Douglas fir and in the picture couldn't look more like the baby. I mean, incredible."  
"That's me. The red sled and the big fir tree and the park at the middle school and the ugly yellow wool coat. That's isn't Molly it's you and me." said Meredith. She and Thatcher looked in the eyes for a while and the silence fell in the room, till the lights went suddenly out.  
"Crap! Sorry! I think I blew a fuse." Izzie's voice came from the kitchen.  
"I'll get it." said Thatcher standing up.  
"No, you know, I can get it, it's..." Meredith got up, looking for an excuse to leave the table.  
"Laundry room." Thatcher interrupted her and left the room.  
"I keep forgetting." sighed Meredith sitting back down.  
"What?" asked Addison.  
"It's his house." Addison looked at her girlfriend and reached out for her hand, squeezing it and smiling sweetly at her. She understood how hard it was all that for Meredith. After all, she had daddy's issues too.  
That's why she caught the occasion to walk down the laundry room to bring Thatcher a flashlight and have a word with him. She found him relaxing in a rocking chair.  
"Did you find the fuse box?" she asked.  
"Yeah, yeah, I just needed to..." sighed Thatcher.  
"Take a break?" Addison finished the sentence.  
"I don't know...I don't know how to or what to talk to her about." Apparently Thatcher had the same problems Meredith was having.  
"Work's a good place to start." suggested the redhead. "Yeah, she's proud of what she does. She's good at it too. I'd start with that."  
"You get each other." stated Thatcher. "That's nice."  
Addison smiled. "Yeah we do. Not always, though. We're both complicated, so we don't always find a way to each other. But mostly yeah, we do. She was nervous about tonight. You both were. It will get easier."  
"She was nervous?" asked the man.  
Addison nodded. "Yeah, she's tough, she tries to hide it. She's difficult but if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort."  
Thatcher thought about Addison's words for a while. "All right!" said getting up and together, he and Addison went back to the dinner.

-o-

Meredith came out of the bathroom and joined Addison in her bed.  
"So?" asked Addison. "Was it that terrible?"  
"It was ok." replied Meredith, lying down. "Maybe this family thing is not that bad."  
"Maybe." said Addison, turning to face her girlfriend. "I would suggest continuing what we started in my office today, but you don't look like you're in the mood for it. What's wrong?"  
"My mom is dead." whispered Meredith, as she was realizing it for the first time.  
"Yeah, she is." sighed Addison, pulling Meredith in her arms.  
"I love you, Addison." said Meredith, kissing her softly and then cuddling in her arms. "I am so glad you're here with me. I don't know if I would be able to get through this alone."  
"I'll never leave you, Meredith. I love you too."  
The two women closed their eyes and soon they feel asleep in each other arms.

-o-

**AN2**: Just so you know, most of this chapter is pretty useless. I just wanted to fit Addison in Meredith's life, make them start behaving like a real couple. I hope you liked it. R&R 


End file.
